Thursday, August 29, 2013


I'm still not sure if it's UMass or UMASS. I AM sure, however, that I will be staying in Friday night. It's a no-brainer. Not only do I wanna be fresh for the bullshit 11 a.m. kickoff on Saturday, but I'm currently elbow-deep in Breaking Bad. Burned through the first season in two days and I see no reason to stop. Spending a Friday night marathoning a TV show without an early football game the next day? LOSER CITY POPULATION 1. But doing it with that 11 a.m. kickoff hanging in the balance? Why, you're just being smart and making sure you're on top of your game the next day.

(For the record, I'm anticipating not being able to sleep out of pure excitement, meaning I'll probably stay up later sober than I would if I just went out and got plastered. But not having that Saturday morning hangover is the CRUX of this plan, and I hardly EVER get to have cruxes.)

PS - Seriously, Breaking Bad is fantastic and I already can see why everyone's been telling me, 'Dude, you're going to LOVE this show!' Quick thoughts [obligatory SPOILERS warning if you've never watched]:
  • I think the only thing I don't like about it is all the cancer talk. I find myself unknowingly checking my entire body for lumps while watching and I'm very scared of cancer right now.
  • Walter is like a superhero whose power is CHEMISTRY. Part of me wishes that he wore a wig when he was Walter, but went shaved head when he was MR. WHITE, DEFENDER OF THE PERIODIC TABLE OF ASS-KICKING.
  • Not gonna lie, that car sex scene outside the high school was the first time in my life I was jealous of someone who owned a Pontiac Aztek. BECAUSE HE WAS GETTIN' AZZ. Oh fuck me that's terrible.
  • Did I get a little emotional when Walt Jr. told his dad that he was a pussy and to just die already? YES I DID.
  • I'm a little confused how Jesse went from boning some hot blonde to getting a ride from a meth-head with meth-teeth. Perhaps his self-confidence has dwindled?
  • My single biggest regret about not watching this show from day one is that I couldn't be the person to make this:

CHICAGO BADGERS: Can I PREEMPTIVELY order my cheese curds right now? Like, ideally, I walk into Will's, there's a table reserved for me, and there's a thing of curds sitting there with a bucket of ranch and a bushel of beer. I'll go so far as to call that PEAK LIFE. So yeah, I'll be at Will's, and if you had half a brain and that half of a brain enjoyed having fun, you'd be there as well.

LAST CALL FOR MUSKY QUEENS: Got a few responses, but this is your last chance: if you're running for Musky Queen, let me know! I will randomly* pick one girl to officially ENDORSE**. This could be you:

*Probably random.

**By 'endorse', I mean ask everyone here to vote for you early and often and create official campaign propaganda for you. I'm not talking about passing out flyers (you can do that if you want), but I'll do my best from the comfort of my keyboard to help you win the GOLDEN MUSKY or whatever it is you get as Musky Queen.

DID YOU VOTE FOR MY PICTURE LAST WEEK? No? Why not?! Literally, 5 seconds of your time. I greatly appreciate it. That's why I like you.

Gameday approaches. LET'S go!



Thursday, August 22, 2013

2013 Season Preview!


I AM EXCITED. We are 9 FREAKING DAYS away from the beginning of the Gary Andersen era of Wisconsin Football. That's it. It seems like it's been three weeks since I came back from lunch to a screen full of this:

But in reality, it's been much longer than three weeks. After the initial shock of Bielema's departure wore off (and a tiny shred of panic over finding a capable replacement), one Barry Alvarez introduced Gary Andersen as the new head ball coach at UW. From the get-go, I liked this hire:
  • Ignore his career record - he took one of the most miserable programs in the country and turned it into a winner.
  • I still, to this day, have not heard any person who's interacted with him speak negatively about him.
  • Years will pass before I'll forget that his Utah State team was a missed chip shot away from beating Bielema's Badgers at home.
  • Once word got out that Andersen (I'm going to keep typing his last name to HAMMER HOME that second 'e') stayed up all night calling every single one of his players explaining his decision to take the Wisconsin job, I knew we had a guy we'd be happy to rally behind.
  • This:

Coach Funkhouser, gonna lead us to a BCS title. BELEE DAT.