Thursday, March 18, 2021

NCAA Tournament: 1st & 2nd Rounds


It feels like March Madness is a double pandemic turning point, right? A year ago we were riding high, winning the B1G, ready to probably win a National Championship. And then BAM, COVID absolutely ravages the entire world and the first main sports casualty is the tourney. Here we are a year later and vaccines are flying off the shelf while you're filling out your brackets. Now, it is possible that I skipped over a few things between last March and this March, but can we have a moment? Do you think the universe will let us just have a goddamn moment and enjoy this?

Only time will tell. I'm knocking on an entire lumber yard right now when I say I'm truly terrified of a COVID outbreak in Indy. Doesn't feel like the collective 'we' of the world has caught a break in the last 12 months, but you know what? It is TIME. Things are on the up and up. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, and color me stupid but I kinda think this Badger team has sandbagged a bit. Under commit, over deliver. Only justification I've got for our complete inability to win a damn game this year. These dudes are saving it, and we are about to shoot the lights out at Mackey.

PS - betwixt you and I, I will never watch any show or movie that 'takes place' during the COVID pandemic. Why the hell would anyone want to transport their mind back to this awful time in this awful place? I will track down every review site I can find for the first COVID romcom and leave a -10 star review. This shit has been miserable and the sooner we stuff it in a barrel and shoot it to the moon, the better.

PPS - fine, it hasn't ALL been terrible. Every dog in the world is still absolutely tippy tappy happy from all day human time. People went through that little bread-making phase. Toilet paper and paper towel moguls made more money than Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk combined. And I got married to the most beautiful bride who has since threatened to divorce me about 2 million times because spending 24/7 with someone in a small apartment for a year straight is kind of tough! Who knew!



TV: CBS is where the big boys play

Friday, October 25, 2019

at #3 Ohio State

It is POSSIBLE my arrogance got the best of me. I won't deny that. This wasn't the first time I looked at the schedule and decided very early that this was the kind of Saturday I could ease into. We went to Superdawg and I treated myself to a Whoopercheesie WITH a bonus Superdawg. LIVING. Of course, I was checking on my phone the entire time and at no point did I actually think that would happen.

But it did. And it sucked. But we're still here, and OSU is still on the horizon. So whatever we move on and who knows what happens Saturday but at this point it's a reverse house money situation. Lose and oh well the season was already ruined a week ago. Win and WHOA HEY LOOK OUT Bucky's back in the picture.

That's glass half full living and there's no other way to look at a terrible loss other than 'oh well that was a kick in the dick but on we go'.



Friday, October 11, 2019

Michigan State

Has anyone figured out the age at which you actually care about homecoming? I am prepared to announce it is not anything under 34, because not the once have I cared at all that OMG IT’S HOMECOMING! Just doesn’t resonate with me. I’m a longstanding member of Team #NormalMadisonWeekend when it comes to picking your pilgrimage weekend in the fall. I think that makes me old in that I hate overly crowded scenes, but not SO old that I cherish the spirit of homecoming. So lovely living in this abyss betwixt kinda old but not yet super old. TIME TICKS FOR US ALL.

Ignoring the pomp and spirit of homecoming, this IS a big weekend in Madison. I don’t care what their record is or what happened to them the week before, MSU is always on my radar. My spidey sense is firmly tingled. Threat level remains at midnight when they’re in town. There simply is no way to shed the nightmare that was that game. I think it’s healthy to get to a point in life when you no longer let sporting events ruin more than like 17 minutes of your life, and for the most part I’ve done that. But if you bring up that GODDAMN HAIL MARY or the Duke National Championship game then I am going to immediately cease communications and leave. The world would be better if those games never happened, and this is objective. Fact. Bullshit on ALL LEVELS.

This is a long way of saying there’s no sleeping on Michigan State. We are not fast tracking this thing to the showdown in Columbus. Ain’t nobody got time for looking ahead and tapping the cruise control. These guys got smacked around and would love another chance at a signature win, and we are NOBODY’S signature win. Go back to East Lansing.



Friday, September 27, 2019


You're looking LIVE at Scott Bell's mentions:

I hold no actual ill will towards Scotty B. Let's make that as obvious as it needs to be. He's just a Michigan dork tossing out fart projections into the Twitter wind. No way he actually expected a mini viral moment of shame with this projection de la basura.

And it was a TRASH evaluation. Wisconsin dominated Michigan in literally every facet of the game of football. Harbaugh had NOTHING to say while Chryst was converting fourth downs in his eyes. Taylor would've rushed for 350 if he didn't get cramps. Coan was slinging fourth down dimes just to show off. You name it, and Wisconsin crushed it. Glorious Saturday, and we've officially entered 'hmmmmmmm what do we have here?' mode going forward.

It's all on the table, and next up is a date with the nerdery. Given how inept Northwestern has been, I'm officially putting Wisconsin on HIGH NERD ALERT for the weekend. No looking past. We are down to our 4th and 5th string safeties for the first half against a team that has had no problems pulling shenanigans out of their butts to annoy us in the past.

Let's go get 'em.



Friday, September 20, 2019

#11 Michigan

OOOOOO we got a big one this weekend. A double top-15 matchup against an annoying conference opponent at Camp Randall in September? Unheard of. Preposterous. Incredulous.

Unfortunately - and I hate to do this - there's some bad news: we're going to lose. That's not my prediction, that's not what Vegas thinks, and that's not an opinion. It's a fact:

There it is. SCIENCE. Michigan clearly has the edge at every position, therefore the game is over and we lose. Go for a bike ride Saturday morning. Check out a farmer's market. There's no point in watching since Scott Bell has SPOILED the results of the yet-to-be-played game and shown us clearly, scientifically, and objectively that Michigan is better at football.

I'm just as saddened by this news as you are. Good thing the B1G West title is still up for grabs. We'll have to find another opportunity for that signature win.

PS - Scott Bell can eat a butt

PPS - Let's STOMP these clownhonkeys



Friday, September 6, 2019

Central Michigan

Not much else you can ask for. I mean, sure, Coan could've hit those bombs to Q. Nelson could've been out of the game when it was blowout city. Taylor could've had 300 more rushing yards to really feed the Heisman campaign.

But a 49-0 win on the road against an actual opponent is a damn near perfect season opener. Summer is hanging around to its final breath, football is fully upon us, and Camp Randall is ready to shake off the rust.

Let's all enjoy the calm before the storm. Go outside and drink a beer with your friends.



Friday, August 30, 2019

at South Florida

THE GAMEDAY DANCING DMITRI GIF IS HERE AND THAT ONLY MEANS ONE THING: Badger footbaw is back. Who do we have to pay to guarantee we have Friday night season openers for the next decade? I LOVE it. Gimme the Friday night party over the 11 am hangover special any day.

And quite the curious season we have in front of us. I think everyone feels confident this team is better than whatever the hell happened last year, but the schedule has also moved up several notches on the difficulty scale. That means two things to me:

  1. This is a very tricky season to forecast
  2. This should be a lot more fun to watch that last year
I suppose it starts under center, where the Horn Dawg has fled and the Coan Hound has risen. I, like pretty much every single Badger fan in the world, was hoping Mertz was going to step on campus and immediately ASSERT DOMINANCE. I had my #Heismertz hashtag ready, drooled over the All-American game highlights, and was counting down the seconds until he made his debut.

But Chryst had other thoughts. Lame as it may sound, we kinda have to defer to the guy we used to refer to as a quarterback guru. A little of the luster has faded in recent years, but I'm choosing the timeline where Coan was just that much better than Mertz in camp. It's not that Mertz was bad, just that Coan was good. We officially have an 'it's not you it's me' quarterback room. WHATEVER.

At the end of the day, this is the Jonathan Taylor show and 5,000 yards isn't out of the question for him this season. Last week I pulled up his 2018 highlight tape on my way home and I think I honestly forgot just how absurd he is. If Coan and his suddenly stronger group of receivers can provide the play action juice, this offense should put up some big numbers.

It's also just a lot more fun to be optimistic before the season has kicked off. Like I'm ever gonna sit here and tell you how miserable the year is gonna be.

Let's go beat South Florida.