Thursday, December 28, 2017

Orange Bowl vs. #11 Miami

Boy that B1G Championship game really sucked the wind out of our sails, didn't it? WHY CAN'T WE HAVE NICE THINGS? BLAH

So all the idiot talking heads and hot take generators can go on pretending like they knew what they were talking about. We can all pretend like they were right and Wisconsin really was just the product of an easy schedule. But the reality is most definitely somewhere in between: we were and still are a damn good team that simply lost a close game on a neutral field to another damn good team riddled with 4 and 5 star recruits.

That leaves us with a Saturday night date with Miami in... Miami. YAY. Kinda sucky, but I'm not really anticipating a big home field advantage. UW fans will take any excuse to go to Florida in December, and Miami fans strike me as the type to look down on a Wisconsin matchup as not that big of a game.

This is one of those games where from a fan's perspective, you might not think there's a lot to play for. The Playoff dream is dashed. There's nowhere to go after this game. But I can guarantee the seniors are jacked up for their last hurrah. And no one wants to end their career on a loss. Pick up a win over a top-15 marquee program and head into 2018 with all sorts of scorching hot momentum. That's the plan and we better stick to it.

PS - sweet lord between Rodgers going down and the Packers season going down with him, the hoops team imploding, and our loss to OSU... it's been a BAD stretch of Wisconsin sports.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: ESPN
WEATHER: I DEMAND ANOTHER 45 DEGREE ARCTIC BLAST GAME IN FLORIDA


Thursday, November 30, 2017

B1G Championship vs. #8 Ohio State


Now, I don't think anyone out there needs a little something extra to get fired up for Saturday. Seek help if you are having a hard time NOT controlling your excitement about a chance to lock up Wisconsin's first trip to the College Football Playoff. Because this is, quite litrally, the single biggest game in Wisconsin football HISTORY.

You've been reading these long enough to know that I tend to shy away from unnecessary hyperbole. FALSE. I love hyperbole! But I really don't think I'm being dramatic when I make that statement about the gravity of this game. We are this close to reaching a level no UW team has dared to soar to. One win and we are in... the final four? It's weird we call the playoffs just 'the playoffs' everywhere but college sports. NBA/NFL/MLB/NHL all about making the playoffs. But at the collegiate ranks we get all these branded moneymaking NCAA Tournament™/College Football Playoff ®/Frozen Four © machines.

So let's go beat Ohio State. Let's avenge #59-0 which I'm going to hashtag because it happened. We'll never change the shitshow that was that night. The embarrassment of getting positively THROTTLED in primetime. THAT SUCKED.

But as painful as that night was, a win on Saturday will be 100x sweeter. Mike McDermott liked to say "Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career." All due respect to Mike McD: we're going all-in on Saturday night and we're gonna be re-watching this game on BTN for the next 7 decades.

#BeatOhioState



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: FOX
WEATHER: I HEAR INDY IS QUITE NICE THIS TIME OF YEAR


Thursday, November 16, 2017

#19 Michigan

Up to #5, merely another indicator that we control our own DESTINY. And that destiny is staring the obnoxious Michigan entity square in its eyes. We all knew the schedule this year was backloaded: Iowa, Michigan, and a potential B1G Championship game would give us our 3 toughest opponents in our final 4 weeks. All the handwringing just goes to show that when it comes to college football rankings, it's as much about when you play as it is about who you play.

So buckle up for this one. It's going to be miserable weather for two teams with struggaling passing games and lockdown defenses. Enter the cliches about whoever makes the big plays, wins special teams, minimizes mistakes, has more heart, wants to win more than the other guys do, and leaves it ALL on the FIELD.

Win and we go grab an axe on our way to Indy for the biggest Badger game in the history of EARTH. Lose and we can scientifically confirm there is no god. Any way you slice it, there's a lot on the line Saturday.

LET'S GO WIN A FOOTBALL GAME



WHO/WHERE/WHEN



TV: FOX
WEATHER: WINDY, RAIN, SNOW, SLEET, SLOBBERKNOCKER WEATHER


Thursday, November 9, 2017

#25 Iowa

Another week, another batch of STRONG HOT TAKES wondering 'will an undefeated B1G champion Wisconsin get shut out of the Playoff? CLICK HERE TO FIND OUT'. That's all it is: clickbait. You must have a brain the size of a marble to think 13-0 Wisconsin, fresh off wins over ranked Iowa, solid Michigan, and a top 10ish opponent in the championship game, is getting left out. IT'S NOT HAPPENING. WAKE UP SHEEPLE.

Stop clicking on those sensationalized headlines. The impossible is not happening. If we win out, we are in. And THEN things get interesting.

PS - If you get a reuben from Subway you should also get your head checked. How can they take something so delicious and make it seem so unappealing? And since it's Subway, they're gonna make your reuben and then ask what else you want on it and some savages are gonna get olives and mayo because that's what they're used to getting on their sandwiches at Subway. A fucking reuben with black olives and a bucket of mayo. That's how Subway rolls. If you like Subway you should start a blog about how 13-0 Wisconsin could end up in the Go Daddy Belkin Poinsettia Bowl.com in early December. That's the kind of mindset we're talking about. Disgusting individuals.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: ABC
WEATHER: DARK, COLD, HEARTLESS


Thursday, November 2, 2017

at Indiana

Surprise, surprise: 8-0 Wisconsin is 9th in the Playoff rankings, behind a bunch of one-loss teams. THIS IS NOT SURPRISING. Stay the damn course, win like you've never won before, and everything will fall into place. It is known, Khaleesi.

There are too many damn things to stress about in life, and our ranking in early November is not on that list.

No time to dwell any further. Let's get on with it and beat IU.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN



TV: ABC
WEATHER: 60, CLOUDY, PLEASANT


Thursday, October 26, 2017

at Illinois

So it looks like it was late October for the beginning of the "Wisconsin's schedule is so soft that even if they go undefeated they won't make the Playoff" talk. And that talk is NONSENSE. No good, uninformed, fan-baiting NONSENSE. I'm here to make my annual guarantee that if Wisconsin is undefeated they will be playing in the Playoff. Fact. Lock it up. Championship.

There's simply no way a team that's currently 5th in the nation is left out of the Playoff if they're sitting at 13-0 with a B1G Championship win over a top 10 OSU/PSU. I don't wanna hear the nonsense about the soft schedule. So much of that crap is beyond our control that I don't see how you significantly ding us. Dingus? DINGUS!

I hate all the scheduling crap. Non-conference schedules are determined so far in advance that outside a handful of schools, it's a complete crapshoot in guessing who will be a good opponent 12 years from now. We did the LSU/Bama/LSU thing and even THAT wasn't safe given that LSU has been slipping. BYU has been a great football program in the last decade or so, but of course the year we travel there they're down. You simply cannot confidently and accurately predict which of your non-conference foes will be top 25 teams in 10 years.

And in B1G play, we are at the mercy of the scheduling gods to determine which crossover schools we get. Some years we end up with Michigan/MSU/OSU/PSU... some years we end up with the Indiana/Maryland/Rutgers cupcakes. The B1G adding another conference game would help, but it's tough for us that the rest of the West is so crappy.

I'm sure this just sounds like a laundry list of excuses. And you could very justifiably argue that we haven't LOOKED like the 5th best team in the country (fair and screw you hater). But let's get this in digital writing right now: 13-0 Wisconsin ABSOLUTELY, UNEQUIVOCALLY, INDUBITABLY gets stomped by Alabama in the Playoff thus making us wonder if we got what we wished for after all.  



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: ESPN
WEATHER: 40 AND CLOUDY, O/U 17 NON-FAMILY FANS IN THE STANDS


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Maryland

I want you to know up front that I am truly sorry. My sports curse is infectious and it is spreading RAPIDLY. First we had #USMNT not qualifying for the World Cup. Then Aaron Rodgers shatters his clavicle on a hit that isn't technically dirty but still sucks because the ball is clearly out and GODDAMNIT THAT'S AARON RODGERS YOU'RE MANDHANDLING. The Cubs are on the ropes and to add insult to injury, UW's top hoops recruit for next year de-commits a month before signing day.

Every team I like is going to shit and there's really only one team left that hasn't been infected yet.

I'm so afraid that it's coming. I don't quite feel it in my bones yet, but it does feel like something bad is brewing. If it happens, I'm sorry. I can't say it's not my fault because maybe it IS my fault and I should go hide in a cafe in Alaska until college football season is over. I don't want to be the one to derail UW's glorious season.

IT ALL SUCKS.

PS - I'm just now realizing I wrote about an Alaskan cafe instead of an Alaskan cave, and I think the message remains clear. Not like they carry BTN in the Moosejaw Cafe in Anchorage.

PPS - What's the capital of Alaska? Anchorage? Nome? Alaska City? It's gotta be Anchorage... JUNEAU! DAMNIT!



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: FOX
WEATHER: 70 AND SOME SUN, CLING TO THESE PRECIOUS DAYS