Friday, August 31, 2018

Western Kentucky

Me on gameday

Congratulations, people. We've made it. If you're reading this, it means you are alive and you have survived until GAMEDAY. I dare you to find a better word. Gameday represents all that is wonderful in life. And when that gameday is of the season opening variety, on a Friday night, on a holiday weekend... you get the kind of gameday that you want to bottle up and bury underground so you can dig it up the next time you get sad. That's good gameday. That's ELITE gameday.

So let's all ignore our suspended wide receivers, our cornerback leaving the team two days before the opener, and any other bad things in life. Find your friends, get to your bar early, and viva la vida.



Friday, August 24, 2018

2018 Season Preview

The hype is SEVERELY PALPABLE. Sports Illustrated cover, national writers picking UW to go undefeated, 54 All-Americans... you name it, we hype it. Offensive line? So good and experienced that Joe Thomas retired just to come back and take notes. Running back? The UW Athletic Department has already booked hotel and airfare to New York in early December. Quarterback? Ask Miami what happens when the Horn Dawg comes a callin'. Linebackers? All aboard the Van Ginkel Express.

It's not ALL sunshine and rainbows, though:

Could I have put any WORSE juju on UW than tweeting about how awesome our wide receivers are a day before the top two get suspended?

I'll save my comments on those legal issues because, well, not a one of us actually knows what happened and what didn't happen. And this is a football/chicken tender/skyporn blog, not a legal blog. There's plenty of depth at WR that UW will be fine.

MORE than fine, I'd wager. And it all starts on a late summer Friday night in Madison. Can't script a better way to start the biggest season in college football history than a night game at Camp Randall Labor Day weekend. This is peak life. I beg you to take advantage and enjoy it, because we're just a few weeks away from STRESS LEVEL MAXIMUM as this team pursues perfection.


Time to pay our respects to those we have lost:
  • Aretha Franklin, Queen of Soul. I'll always say few things are cooler than being a really good singer, and she was better than just about everyone else in the world. Bonus points because the Queen of Soul is a top-tier nickname. 
  • Richard Harrison, the old guy on Pawn Stars. The old guy from Pawn Stars died? No one told me! Probably because every show on the History Channel sucks and is fake and therefore not historical. But, uh, rest in peace big guy!
  • Anthony Bourdain, food dude. A man who lived hard and fast, chewed with the best of them, and probably would be a top 10 person to have drinks and dinner with. I'm struggling to think of a single person who hated him.
  • Flaurie Berman, co-founder of Superdawg. The MATRIARCH OF SUPERDAWG. Superdawg has always been a favorite of mine (the hot dogs are obviously great, but the burgers are the under the radar winner), so after she passed away I made my pilgrimage to Devon and Milwaukee to pay my respects:

  • Kate Spade, purse tycoon. I won't confess to knowing much about Kate Spade other than every girl in the world either has a purse or wants one, and she married David Spade's brother. Also: suicide is the worst.
  • Jerry Maren, last surviving munchkin from the Wizard of Oz. 89 years old is one hell of a run for a munchkin. Not to mention, Jerry had a cameo in Seinfeld! That's one hell of a life.
  • Hugh Dane, Hank from The Office. Me when I found out Hank died:
  • Verne Troyer, Mini-Me. Apparently 2018 was a terrible year for famous little people.
  • Avicii, Swedish DJ. I'm on record for HATING all electronic/DJ music. I think it's insane that billions of people pay money to go to 'concerts' where nerds are pushing buttons on a Macbook. But 'Wake Me Up' is an all-time banger, and it's always a shame to see people die young.
  • Barbara Bush, matriarchal badass. Our second matriarch! Can you tell that I absolutely love the word/concept of a matriarch? Barbara Bush, Flaurie Berman, Olenna Tyrell... matriarchs everywhere. Don't mess with a matriarch.
  • Stephen Hawking, theoretical physicist and cosmologist. I understand virtually nothing that Hawking was famous for, but he's high up on the universal respect rankings. Didn't let a debilitating disease stop him from pursuing his dreams and changing the world.