Thursday, September 28, 2017


Non-conference observations as we gear up for a visit from the NERDS:

1) Taylor is the real goddamn deal. It's time to just accept that he is by FAR the best running back on this roster and feed him. Studly college running backs will not make it 4 years, so you have to just ride them every week. This kid passes the eye test by a million, grades out like a champ with all the nerdy sabermagician metrics, and is just looking a damn baller out there with the 23 on his chest. Give him the rock and watch him do his thing.

2) We've FINALLY evolved beyond the one trick pony wide receiver stable. Hard to remember the last time we actually had more than one receiver we could reliably throw to. I'm sure coming into the year, we were all expecting Yazz Peavy to dominate the target share, but that hasn't been the case at all. Q Fresh Cephus and Danny Davis are both over 100 yards, and have shown a nice mix of finishing and big play ability. Those two, Yazz, and Foomz give Horn Dawg a pretty damn good arsenal to deal to.

3) Speaking of the Horn Dawg, that was a very comforting performance in Provo. I'm sure there were some nervous folks out there wondering if he was regressing, but those nerves should be unnerved (what) after his utter dissection of the BYU defense. Maybe BYU sucks, but I'm feeling pretty good about our passing attack going forward. Yay.

4) The defense sure seems to keep plugging the injury holes with minimal pain. Injuries suck. No one denies this. In many sports and many positions, a key injury or two can absolutely DOOM an entire season. Hell, the right injury could doom an entire franchise (I have no idea if that's true). With Cichy going down in the preseason, there were all sorts of pieces out there about how devastating that was to Wisconsin's Playoff hopes. BALDERDASH. Our system is divine, our coaching is sublime, our backups just fine, look at me I can fucking rhyme.

5) Favorites in every game from now until TBD. And deservedly so. I'm a stupid fan with a laptop so I'm allowed to look ahead without LOSING FOCUS ON NERD STOMPING. So allow me to say: collision course with Penn State in Indy. I'm assuming the B1G Championship is still in Indy? Or is it at Yankee Stadium to keep chipping away at that East Coast media market? Whatever. 12-0 Wisconsin meets 12-0 Penn State and someone is going to be CRUSHED. We all know which football program deserves only the worst things to happen to it, so if we apply Game of Thrones expectations then you can bank on us losing on a hail mary. Fiddlesticks.

PS - if we lose this week it is not my fault.



Wednesday, September 13, 2017

at BYU

Remember last week when I said the Utah State game was the ultimate game no one will remember in a few months? I'd like to update that to replace it with the FAU game. I almost had to check a schedule to confirm it was indeed FAU that we played last week.

Part of that is that I was in Omaha for a wedding, and due to some domestic compromises I was not able to watch the entire game. But that's okay! I think I mentioned a few years ago that as much as I love Badger sports, I no longer feel the driving need to schedule and revolve my life around games.* There are only so many weekends before it gets arctic in the Midwest, and dedicating every one of those to a sport where 80% of the time we'll just roll over inferior teams is a young man's game.

As I'm writing this I realize how lame this sounds. I can ASSURE you I still enjoy drinking 17 High Lifes in a sea of red before the sun goes down. That hasn't stopped being fun. I promise. And I WAS super hyped for this game a few months ago... until BYU came out looking like basura, and now our only chance of a decent non-conf win is thwarted. At least the game is at 2:30. That's late enough to roll the good times right into the evening. Take advantage of that.

*Obvious exceptions exist. Not all games are created equally, and I will certainly go out of my way to make sure I have unimpeded viewing for big conference games, games with playoff implications, etc. But you reach a point in life when FAU in September is not must-watch appointment viewing. Life... finds a way.



Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Florida Atlantic

Now THAT'S how you have a 59-10 blowout with a little bit of character. You let Scrub University come out and take a lead, you look a little skittish, and the unseasoned Badger fans out there start to kinda sorta worry. 'OH MY GOD IS THIS A JOKE?'

I can guarantee wherever you were watching, at least 3 people actually thought that. They actually thought we might be in trouble. Like we were actually going to get handled by Utah State at Camp Randall on opening night.

The veterans amongst us know the only thing to do when the game is not going the way it should is to head to the bar and order a round of #RallyYamos. This is a patent-pending procedure that guarantees success. I'm not sure what special power Jameson has, but it is scientifically and empirically proven to take a bad situation and flip it upside down right on its stupid ear.

What happened after the #RallyYamos came out last Friday?

#HornDawg started slangin', Taylor announced his arrival on the scene, and this game became the soon-to-be forgotten blowout we all anticipated. Fun stuff.

PS - Does there really exist some kind of scenario where Wisconsin doesn't win here?

Utah State is down 49 points with 5 seconds left and somehow our win probability is not 100%. At what point do the damn statistical models just shut it down and acknowledge IT AIN'T HAPPENING, EVER. Unless Utah State possessed the ability to bend the laws of physics in our known universe, it is utterly impossible for them to win. And even if they could alter time and space, they still ain't crossing that goal line again. Figure it out, nerds.