Wednesday, September 13, 2017

at BYU

Remember last week when I said the Utah State game was the ultimate game no one will remember in a few months? I'd like to update that to replace it with the FAU game. I almost had to check a schedule to confirm it was indeed FAU that we played last week.

Part of that is that I was in Omaha for a wedding, and due to some domestic compromises I was not able to watch the entire game. But that's okay! I think I mentioned a few years ago that as much as I love Badger sports, I no longer feel the driving need to schedule and revolve my life around games.* There are only so many weekends before it gets arctic in the Midwest, and dedicating every one of those to a sport where 80% of the time we'll just roll over inferior teams is a young man's game.

As I'm writing this I realize how lame this sounds. I can ASSURE you I still enjoy drinking 17 High Lifes in a sea of red before the sun goes down. That hasn't stopped being fun. I promise. And I WAS super hyped for this game a few months ago... until BYU came out looking like basura, and now our only chance of a decent non-conf win is thwarted. At least the game is at 2:30. That's late enough to roll the good times right into the evening. Take advantage of that.


*Obvious exceptions exist. Not all games are created equally, and I will certainly go out of my way to make sure I have unimpeded viewing for big conference games, games with playoff implications, etc. But you reach a point in life when FAU in September is not must-watch appointment viewing. Life... finds a way.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: ABC
WEATHER: 60s AND SUNNY-ISH, GOOD SOBER WEATHER


Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Florida Atlantic

Now THAT'S how you have a 59-10 blowout with a little bit of character. You let Scrub University come out and take a lead, you look a little skittish, and the unseasoned Badger fans out there start to kinda sorta worry. 'OH MY GOD IS THIS A JOKE?'

I can guarantee wherever you were watching, at least 3 people actually thought that. They actually thought we might be in trouble. Like we were actually going to get handled by Utah State at Camp Randall on opening night.

The veterans amongst us know the only thing to do when the game is not going the way it should is to head to the bar and order a round of #RallyYamos. This is a patent-pending procedure that guarantees success. I'm not sure what special power Jameson has, but it is scientifically and empirically proven to take a bad situation and flip it upside down right on its stupid ear.

What happened after the #RallyYamos came out last Friday?



#HornDawg started slangin', Taylor announced his arrival on the scene, and this game became the soon-to-be forgotten blowout we all anticipated. Fun stuff.

PS - Does there really exist some kind of scenario where Wisconsin doesn't win here?


Utah State is down 49 points with 5 seconds left and somehow our win probability is not 100%. At what point do the damn statistical models just shut it down and acknowledge IT AIN'T HAPPENING, EVER. Unless Utah State possessed the ability to bend the laws of physics in our known universe, it is utterly impossible for them to win. And even if they could alter time and space, they still ain't crossing that goal line again. Figure it out, nerds.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: BTN
WEATHER: 70, SUNNY, WELCOME BACK TO 11 AM BROADCASTS ON BTN


Thursday, August 31, 2017

Utah State

Hello.

Did you enjoy your summer? Sweating every day? Getting sunburn just checking the mail? Not being able to wear anything from your arsenal of Patagonias? SUMMER SUCKS. There you go. I'll say it. It is, on a good day, the third best season:

1) Fall. Comfortable weather, football returns, Cubs on a 1 World Series winning streak, Halloween, quarter zips (the new thermals), I don't even drink them but I'm sure approximately 50% of you flip your shit over pumpkin spiced everythings, Halloween candy for sale for pennies on the dollar in November.

2) Spring. ESCAPE FROM THE LONG NIGHT, NCAA Tournament, quarter zips, Revolution A Little Crazy guzzling, those random days where it's like 75 and sunny in late March, St. Patrick's Day.

3) Summer. Air Conditioning, patio drinks for an hour before you'd rather be inside with the previously mentioned A/C, praying your Cubs seats are in the shade for the Saturday afternoon August game against the Pirates you got tickets for, waiting an hour for Jeni's ice cream even though Bobtail in Lakeview is better, Lollapalooza and everything that's terrible about it.

4) Winter. Freeze outside, sweat on public transportation, eating ice cream is somehow considered weird because it's so cold, salt gets stuck in my dog's paws and she does this sad little hop thing until I fish it out with my bare fingers even though it's 3 degrees outside, those random blocks on heavily trafficked streets that don't bother shoveling so all the snow gets packed down and walking on it feels like part of an American Ninja Warrior course, even Jon Snow is shedding any association with it.

So whatever. I'm a #SummerHater and I've come to terms with it. That's ok because it's basically Fall and I'm ready to FEAST on all the wonders Fall has in store for us. That starts Friday night in Madison.

PS - Couldn't be more #AllInOnHornDawg after finding out he's been eating 6,000 calories a day. GUNSLINGER STATUS CONFIRMED



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: ESPN
WEATHER: 60, DRY, 100% CHANCE OF NIGHTRAGE


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Sweet 16 & Elite 8

NEVER A DOUBT.

And I mean that! Never a freaking doubt that we were taking down Villanova. Okay, maybe there were several moments of slight doubt (down 7 with 5 minutes to go). But what a time to be alive when you can be rationally confident you're gonna take down the #1 overall seed. EL GARDO ES EL MEJOR.


Now, new challenges await. First up is a Florida team that is quietly up to #3 in the KenPom ratings. But they don't scare me. You know what does scare me? MSG and its NBA rims. WORKING THEORY: we cannot shoot on NBA rims. This has been my unofficial observation and hypothesis for decades. Whatever the reason may be, we simply do not seem to shoot well on rigid NBA rims. Oh how we've grown to love the delicate, gentile bounces of the Kohl Center rims.


I refuse to do any research, and I suppose the Marquette game this year flies in the face of everything I'm saying, but if I have one major concern about our surprisingly good chances to make it to the Final Four... it's those damn rims.


But it's the season for overcoming fears and conquering obstacles. My rational confidence remains unfazed. No team has more experience in the moment, and it's not like we're running a bunch of scrubs out there. Bring on the Gators. Gimme Baylor. I want 'em all.


Friday night, 9:00 pm tip. That is so hot I'm afraid to even think about how the night is gonna play out. Lava hot tip time. Friday night. Bring it.


PS - Coming for that ass Florida:








FLORIDA ALUMNI: RANKED

What criteria are they ranked on? WHIM OF A MADMAN (me).

Last) Ryan Lochte, American gold medalist and silver medalist at 2004 Athens Olympics, gold medalist and bronze medalist at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, and gold, silver and bronze medalist at the 2012 London Olympics. Did they ever actually figure out the truth in Brazil? What was this idiot doing? I'm assuming he and his friends were just sauced to the bone and being jackasses and then tried to lie their ways out of it, right? Cool guy.



Wednesday, March 15, 2017

NCAA Tournament 1st & 2nd Rounds



I was twelve years old the last time Wisconsin didn't make the NCAA Tournament. And I am OLD now! There's not a player on the current team that can even remember the last time Wisconsin missed the tournament. Recruits we're going after these days weren't even alive the last time we missed the dance. If you're a really old Wisconsin fan, I can only imagine how mind bottling this two decade run of consistent winning has been.

And yet, most of us have spent this year feeling completely and utterly frustrated with the way this team fell apart. A lot of that is justified - who the hell expected a team with 4 senior starters to blow a 1.5 game lead in February (too lazy to fact check) and limp into the tournament as an 8 seed?

But last I checked, this was still a team that finished 2nd in the B1G, runner-up in the B1G tourney, and went 25-9. This is still a dangerous team with a senior point guard and All-American big. And this is still a team with a bandwagon I simply cannot jump off. Expectations are low, but the opportunity to shock America's face off is prime. I dig that.