Wednesday, November 18, 2015

#20 Northwestern

Jumping right into the mailbag. Part 1 up top, part 2 down below. SUCH SUSPENSE.

Tim S:

How happy are you to get a break from what has to be the least aesthetically pleasing 8-2 team in CFB history?

It was great! Slept in, went to a bar dressed in neutral grey, didn't watch a second of football, turned my brain off and had fun. Is that how non-weirdos do Saturdays? I really dug it.

With that said, I'm ready to get right back at supporting the worst 10-2 team in NCAA history. Clement still recovering from his hernia and also a dog bit him? Keep the weird coming!


Matt B:

Bryant, Schwarber & Rizzo: marry, fuck, kill - go!

Marry: Rizzo. I feel like my mom would like him the most.

Kill: Bryant. Oh, you're 6'5", dreamy, AND you are going to be the best player in the league? That's a little too perfect for me, kid.

Fuck: Schwarber. Remember in Good Will Hunting when Will is telling the story about how his dad used to give him a choice between a stick, a belt, and a wrench? And Will always chose the wrench because fuck him? I'm using that logic here.


Jake S:

First of all, I'd like to say, "body wash" is bullshit, and all men should be using bar soap. What's the etiquette on bar soap? My personal opinion is if you are showering at someone else's house and all they have is bar soap you are allowed to use it. Soap is self cleaning.

What are you, 80? Bar soap is the worst thing in the world. Are you supposed to rub the bar all over you or just rub it in your hands a lot and then rub yourself down? I do the latter on the 3 occasions each year I find myself with nothing but a stupid bar of soap in the shower.

Body wash is superior in every way imaginable. However, the body wash/shampoo all-in-one combo is a little too much for me. Like when Costanza has the fridge built into the side of his recliner.


Jake R:

Ok so here's the scenario. You have to pick one animal to fight in a one-on-one arena match with another animal. You don't know which animal you will face before the fight. Humans not included, which animal do you choose?

Hippo. Always hippo. Nothing beats a hippo. When's the last time you saw the inside of a hippo's mouth?



Disgusting and terrifying. It does not even matter that this battle doesn't take place near water - no creature on this planet is taking down a hippo. Not an elephant. Not some kind of super gorilla. And clearly not a rhino.

Hippos are MONSTERS.


Mike L:

Are the 90's officially the new 80's?

Nah. The 80's are the worst decade ever, and the 90's are still pretty cool. Yeah we all looked stupid back then, but that's the case looking back on pretty much every decade. What are the 80's known for? I don't even know. But the 90's gave us cell phones and the internet and Saved By The Bell and Jurassic Park and Weezer. Nothing in the 80's was CLOSE to that.


Joe H:

Were you at all butt-hurt when you found out that Penn State had a shorter and fatter kicker than Wisco did? The guy in question really has a story that begs youtubing. Not only did the fatty kick footballs in high school, but he apparently had D1 soccer scholarships AND ran track for a year. I imagine his races looked like this. Further neat facts include he was born in our hometown of Milwaukee but sadly did not attend high school there. And finally, as a sophomore in HS he was 5’10 (as he is currently) but only 185lbs….that’s a lot of eating, good for him.

Joe also provided this image to further illustrate his point:


Fair points. But an overweight guy from Milwaukee is one thing: an overweight kicker from Brazil that grew up in Tennessee and CHOSE to come to Wisconsin? That's beauty. Plus, Gaglianone was a baller on the pitch as well. And he has better hair.

PS - Love that they didn't round the 259 up to an even 260. That's like the psychology when you sell cars for $19,999, since it FEELS like a lot less than saying an even $20k. Smart fat kicker Penn State has. Why am I typing like Yoda.


CHICAGO BADGERS: Oh we are on a TEAR of 2:30 games. So great. Unfortunately I'll be at a wedding, which is good because this game has sneaky potential to frustrate the hell out of me. Thank god it's not in Evanston.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN




Thursday, November 5, 2015

at Maryland

I think Corey Clement just made a loud statement about his value to this team. We kinda spent most of the year wondering if the running game sucked because of the O-Line, the backs, or both. Without jumping to conclusions (because Rutgers), I think we can safely say the issue was squarely on the back up running backs. I don't mean this as a slight to Dare and Deal, but they were back ups for a reason.

So here we are. 7-2 (4-1) in a season where we've had injuries at literally every position on the roster. A transition year with a new coach (albeit a familiar coach) and a young team... and yet, 7-2. That's actually pretty damn impressive when you consider everything that's gone wrong so far.

My excitement for this team is increasing. Something about them gutting out wins despite being in shambles is kinda fun. Like the German sub in U-571 that was all messed up, but the Americans took it over and kept battling on it and eventually sank a giant German destroyer with it after Trigger drowned while fixing the leak in the torpedo system. Out with the Remember The Titans season metaphor, in with the U-571 season metaphor. WHAT MOVIE THAT'S ON HBO EVERY WEEK IS NEXT?

PS - OMG, Trigger from U-571 was SMALLS from The Sandlot? That's amazing. And a few years ago he was arrested because he headbutted a cop after he was told he was too drunk to get on an airplane? You just never know where the internet is gonna take you.



CHICAGO BADGERS: Afternoon game, and don't look now but we're running out of gamedays. I'll preach now what I preach often: take advantage because while a game against Maryland might not be very exciting now, you'd murder for a 2:30 gameday party come January.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN