Friday, October 26, 2018

at Northwestern

Thought I ran out of spin zones last week? BREAKING SPIN ZONE NEWS: it's possible Horn Dawg has been playing with a concussion ALL YEAR. In your FACE 'Hornibrook sucks' take! If you ask me, this is the only way to explain his up and (very) down play this season.

And while an injury is never something we want to see, I will say that I am MILDLY curious about the Jack Coan Show. After the first offensive series I will be adequately prepared to kick off the bandwagon or beat my chest about Horn Dawg starting for a reason over him. Gotta go with those gut reactions. Ain't nobody got time for measured, thoughtful analysis.

The other unfortunate thing in play is that Coan may have to make his first career start in Evanston at that toilet bowl of a stadium against Les Nerd├Ęs. Gross. It's no secret we've had all sorts of weird games there. Wind. Rain. Fumbles. Inexplicable QB management (start Tanner McEvoy and then bring in Stave cold off the bench and then call a pass on 1st and goal on the 3 in a game where MGIII ran for 260 yards because Gary Andersen was a stable genius).

I hope Hornibrook is okay and leads a UW resurgence that ends with us destroying Michigan's hopes and dreams in Indy. But if he's not good to go, then let the Coan era begin with a triumph on Chicago's north side this weekend. #RagingCoaner



WHO/WHERE/WHEN



TV: FOX
WEATHER: HIGH OF 50 AND SOME SUN, WHICH MEANS THE MONSOON WILL BE OF THE SURPRISE VARIETY


Friday, October 19, 2018

Illinois

If the 500 message grouptext I had with my friends debating whether or not Hornibrook is objectively terrible is any indication, this is going to be a HARD spin zone this week. There's no way of describing that game other than calling it what it was: a complete and utter failure. Hornibrook? What the hell was that. Chryst? 3rd and 3 from their 40 and you pass and then punt because WHY. Penalty for roughing the snapper? A Harbaugh-infused pile of bullshit the size of Montana.

I could go on, but there's no reason to. We were outcoached and outplayed on the road by a better team. It happens and it sucks and we are all perfectly aware that the world was wrong about the 2018 Wisconsin football team. Whatever.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: FS1
WEATHER: RAINY, 40s, PERFECT WEATHER FOR AN FS1 'OUR SEASON'S A SHAM' 11am GAME


Friday, October 12, 2018

at #12 Michigan

Ohhhh LAWD do we have a big one this weekend. Labeling a game as a MUST WIN is frequently an exercise in stupidity, but stick with me as I deem this trip to the Big House a MUST WIN for both teams. That's right, we are talking simultaneous double jeopardy threat level purple must win showdown. The winner of this game has a chance to rack up enough quality wins by running the table to sneak into the playoff. The loser? Straight to the Loser Bowl presented by Ponderosa Steakhouse.

We're also in a weird spot given that UW is a touchdown dog. Certainly not a situation I envisioned us being in until a potential battle with OSU, but oh well. I don't have to ramble for an hour about how we thrive as an underdog, and there's less pressure, and yada yada yada shock the world. You know all about that stuff. You're a Wisconsin fan. And I'm having trouble concentrating with Con Air playing about 17 inches away from my face on AMC right now.

So I guess there's nothing left to do but waltz into their building and reintroduce ourselves into the playoff picture. BECAUSE I AM ETERNALLY AND FOOLISHLY OPTIMISTIC.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN



TV: ABC
WEATHER: 40s BECAUSE FALL IS HERE AND IT'S FAST TRACKING US TO WINTER


Friday, October 5, 2018

Nebraska

I feel like we buried Iowa YEARS ago. YEARS AGO. What even happened in that game? I remember Horn Dawg slinging for the win and pretty much nothing else. I'm okay with that. The key is that we bounced back from the BYU debacle and steadied the ship. Equally important is that Ohio State is positioned to run the table and give us that small, small chance of beating them in Indy to backdoor into the playoff.

Do I think that will actually happen? I have no idea. Whenever you try guessing what's going to happen in college football, you inevitably look like an idiot. And I make a prediction every week, so I would know what it's like to be that idiot.

So we'll get to all those annoying scenarios and bowl projections later on. For now we welcome our best friend back to Camp Randall. And by best friend I mean the former football giant that we've been embarrassing since the day they joined the B1G. I require more embarrassment.



WHO/WHERE/WHEN


TV: BTN
WEATHER: THE SOIL IS ALREADY SATURATED AND THE RAINS ARE COMING, FLOOD PARTY!