Friday, April 6, 2012

Badger Preview: Season Finale Mailbag!

Ron S

Are hunger games and twilight simply different names for the same movie? I'm overwhelmed with deja vu right now.

Up until I saw the Hunger Games movie, I might have agreed with you.  They definitely appeal to the same market, there are lots of scenes in the woods, and I'm pretty sure my roommate listens to them on tape when he works out.  But when I went to see Hunger Games, there was a preview for one of the Twilight movies.  This makes me think that they are NOT, in fact, the same movie.  It'd be pretty bold to have a preview for the movie you're about to watch.  And I don't know if it's because of dueling fanboys/fangirls, but at the end of the Twilight Blue Moon Saga Part IV preview, one guy started laughing, and then the ENTIRE theater started laughing.  I think they revealed that one of the main characters was a vampire or something, and that's probably supposed to be a big thing.  But the Hunger Games crew just lost it.

I will say this: It is SHOCKING that there isn't a bigger backlash over kids loving a book/movie that is about KIDS VIOLENTLY MURDERING EACH OTHER FOR FUN.  Whenever a new Grand Theft Auto game comes out, some conservative nutjob comes flying out admonishing the game for encouraging violence in kids.  People blame atrocities like Columbine on 'overly violent' video games.  And yet, this PG-13 movie is fucking A-OK?  I have a much easier time picturing kids chasing each other with cleavers than going out and trying to steal cars while killing hookers.  I mean, I don't care, because I'm not a moron and even when I was a kid I was fully capable of discerning the difference betwixt fiction and real life.  But there's at least a 20% chance that some kid in America dies in the next month due to a Hunger Games reenactment related accidental death.

PS - Anyone 'mad' about Rue being black in the movie is batshit insane.

Ryan G.

1) Were you surprised at how hard you found yourself cheering for outcomes at Wrestlemania?

Not at all.  I WAS, however, surprised at how hard everyone else was cheering.  Listen, people can bag on wrastling as much as they like - at the end of the day, it is pure entertainment.  If you go in with that mindset, I don't get how you could've been disappointed with Wrestlemania.  You want outrageous?  How about the first match of the night being the WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP and it ending 18 seconds after the opening bell?  This guy is your new champ:

After that happened, we knew we were in for a magical night.  Nothing epitomized that more than the legendary battle between the Undertaker and HHH.  30 minutes of two warriors absolutely DESTROYING each other.  HHH splattered Undertaker's spine with a chair for a solid 5 minutes.  The Undertaker put HHH AND Shawn Michaels in Hell's Gate.  There were more Pedigrees and Tombstones than a person can count.  Our apartment erupted every time one of them kicked out on a 2 count.  I had more fun watching this single match than the entire Super Bowl.  Is that crazy?  I have no idea.  But I can tell you that when the Undertaker hoisted Trips, squared to the camera, and delivered one final Tombstone, it was a TRANSCENDENTAL moment in entertainment history.  So happy the streak remains intact.

PS - Did you know the Undertaker is forty-fucking-seven years old?

PPS - If you thought Cena was gonna beat the Rock, you're crazy.  They bring Rocky out of retirement for a monster showdown on HIS turf in Miami... no freakin' way he's letting camo-cargo-shorts Cena beat him.  You don't give the People's Champ the People's Elbow.  Doesn't work like that.

PPPS - CM Punk is on the very cusp of being a superduperstar.  Fuck Jericho.

2) Would you rather a Badger national title in Football or Basketball? I think football, but it's really close.

I go back and forth on this.  Let's be honest: Either one would cause some sort of full body orgasm that would require me to be scraped off the floor.  But I'm going with hoops.  REASONING:
  • Winning the tourney means a 3 week adventure with increasingly intense hype
  • I'm very, very sick of people hating on Bo for the Final Four thing
  • Who knows what kind of backlash and controversy would surround a potential BCS championship.  Winning the NCAA Tourney?  That's always legit.  Unless you're John Calipari.
  • I think it'd be much easier/more affordable to get Final Four tickets than BCS Championship tickets
  • I think we have a better chance of winning a hoops title in the next 5 years than a football title
Yup.  I firmly believe that something very, very special will happen with Wisconsin basketball in the next 4-5 years.  Too much talent coming in, too due.  Enjoy the ride.

Tim S.

Dimo's Pizza.. How is it?  Is it the exact same?  Does not being able to say "hey Im gonna grub hard at Ian's" and instead having to utter something different make it less enjoyable?  Different specialty topping rotations?

It is exactly the same.  I won't lie and say that I'm comfortable saying 'let's get some Dimo's'.  In fact, I think I still say Ian's half the time.  But the food, people, and most importantly, ranch, are all exactly the same.  My new goal is to be the October 2012 Customer of the Month and convince everyone I know to start calling me The Real Mr. October.  I've put the wheels in motion for this plan, and I'm pretty confident that I can make it work.  If anything, 'Two time Customer of the Month at Ian's Pizza' sounds a whole lot better than 'October 2011 Customer of the Month at Ian's Pizza' on my resume.  Don't kid yourself, either one is a much more impressive achievement than being treasurer of your sorority or being on the Dean's List.

David W.

If I want to go to Madison for a football game this fall, should I go to MSU or OSU. Note that MSU is both homecoming AND Halloween weekend.

Is it me, or are they always scheduling things for the already-intense weekends in Madison?  Didn't they do Alumni Weekend during Mifflin a year or two ago?  Why would they do Homecoming during Halloween weekend AND for a huge game?  I feel like every other year, Homecoming is the same weekend that we play Minnesota/Indiana/Illinois/Purdue.

I can't see myself going to Madison for that MSU game.  As much as I hate them (oh, I HATE them), and as I much as I'd love to see us beat them again (nothing better), the chaos surrounding Homecoming and Halloween is too much for me to handle.  On the flip side, even though OSU is banned from postseason play BECAUSE THEY ARE A BUNCH OF FILTHY CHEATERS, it's still a monstrous division game late in the season.  And it's my birthday weekend.  So you can mark it down right now - I WILL be in Madison for the Ohio State game.  And we WILL win, like the last time they came to Madison and they were all #1 and undefeated and stuff and we beat them anyway and their fans spent the night crying and hoping that their scarlet clothing would be confused for Badger gear and they wouldn't get made fun of for being losers.  I SAW RIGHT THROUGH YOUR PLANS.

If Wisconsin does ever win a national championship in either football or basketball in our lifetime, describe what your ideal night would be, from the moment it becomes official that we won to the time you go to bed, whatever time that may be. Feel free to describe this night as if you're in Chicago, in Madison, at the game, or all 3.

I always shtruggle at these 'describe your ideal night' questions.  Mainly because right now, I'm sober.  And when the day comes that something magical does happen, well, I won't be very sober.  And the thought process/decision making will be largely fueled by booze.  But what I can tell you now is that I WILL be at the game.  Some things in life are simply worth the money no matter what, and a potential NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP in football or hoops for Wisconsin is something that I refuse to miss in person.

Undoubtedly, I'll linger in the stadium for a while, making my way down to the lower level and basking in the glory of winning.  I'm assuming, at minimum, I'll tweet 600 times and take 3,000 pictures.  Once that simmers down, it's straight to the nearest bar, where EVERY single drink will be toasted to 'NATIONAL CHAMPIONSSSSSSSSSS' or 'ON WISCONSIN'.  Litrally every drink.  And there will be a lot of them.  I'm having a hard time imagining myself sleeping at any point that night.  Don't forget the 30 minute window where I retweet every damn tweet about Wisconsin, like every single status and picture on Facebook, and send a few overly-emotional text messages to my idiot friends that couldn't be there in person for one reason or another.  That part is key - I'm all about the celebratory social media firestorm.  To this day I'm shocked that I have a single twitter follower that is not a Wisconsin fan.  I'm downright intolerable on big gamedays.

Probably the closest I've come to this hypothetical celebration was after the B1G Football Championship in Indy.  All of the above happened, just to a much lesser degree.  Never blacked out, went to bed before sunrise, etc.

When we do win the big one, though (and we WILL), it'll be the kind of night that you wish someone could just follow you around with a camera recording everything so you could relive it every day for the next 50 years.


What exactly is in a liquid cocaine shot?

No more arguing and debating.  Time to let science answer the question once and for all: Is there Bacardi 151 in a shot of Liquid Cocaine?


CONCLUSION: Jager, Goldschlager, Bacardi 151

CAVEAT: These are fucked up liquors to spell.  I assume that anyone else googling this is just as retarded as I am.


Bartender from a popular U of I bar: "I generally do jaeger, rumpleminz and 151... But we don't have 151 a lot so I put goldschlager in instead"


eHow: 151, Jager, Rumplemintz

wikiHow: is fucking worthless, no one has ever ordered a 'fruity liquid cocaine' shot, and it doesn't take 11 steps to make it.

Yahoo Answers: 151, Jager, Rumplemintz

OFFICIAL CONCLUSION: Bacardi 151 is definitely in a shot of Liquid Cocaine, assuming that the bar carries 151.  The Rumplemintz/Jager/Goldschlager combo is more affectionately known as Liquid Crack.  PANDEMIC!  I GOT THAT PANDEMIC!

Greg M

Looks like the Badgers have gotten another ACC QB transfer, this time Danny O'Brien from Maryland. Similar to Black Jesus, O'Brien also won the ACC Rookie of the Year as a freshman and will transfer following graduation (O'Brien starred in the Pro-style offense his freshman year, but as the team moved to a spread offense he struggled and was eventually benched)
While no one can expect anyone to fill Wilson's shoes, what are your thoughts on the move and how big of a role will post-graduation transfers play in the future of college football?

Let's establish one thing right off the bat: This is nothing but a GREAT development for the University of Wisconsin Badger football team.  And it was born out of necessity, not desire.  A quick rundown of where the quarterbacks on team stand right now:
  • Curt Phillips - recovering from 3 knee surgeries... and he was supposed to be a running quarterback.
  • Jon Budmayr - battling some unknown, mysterious nerve issue in his throwing elbow.
  • Bart Houston - promising true freshman... needing surgery in his throwing shoulder.  Redshirt candidate.
  • Joel Stave - looked OK in the Spring Game last year... but has never taken a meaningful snap.
  • Joe Brennan - has barely played, and was less than inspiring when he DID play.
Now, if you're Bret Bielema, and that's your group of quarterbacks... would you really not pursue someone like DOB?

Another thing: This isn't a 'rental player'.  This isn't 'gaming the system'.  DOB graduated in 3 years while playing D1 football.  The coaches that recruited him left, and the new coach is a huge asshole.  Why shouldn't be able to go somewhere else to continue his career?  All this does is reward the 'student' part of being a student-athlete, and that's something that gets lost way too easily in big-time college sports.

As far as the post-grad transfer rule's future... that's a good question.  I feel like you're gonna start hearing more and more chirping about it due to the success of Wisconsin in using that rule.  But I still think it's more a result of strange circumstances than a dependable way to build successful programs.  If we don't have all the QB injuries, I doubt Wilson or DOB ever step foot in Madison.  Every coach in the country would prefer to recruit and develop their own players, but sometimes you have to go the unconventional route.  Nothing would make BB and Badger fans everywhere happier than DOB killing it for 2 years before Houston steps in as our starting quarterback.  That's the plan.  Hope it pans out like that.

Matt B

How long will Bo Ryan coach? Can he get into the echelon of top coaches of all time if he stays long enough?

Can he?  Absolutely.  Will he?  Much better question.  Right now, Bo is 64 years old - he's gettin' up there in years.  But doesn't Bo strike you as the guy that will just keep on coaching until he physically can't handle it anymore?  It's not like he's slipping - the team is still finishing top 4 in the B1G, still making the tourney, and recruiting is better than ever.  I think Bo coaches at Wisconsin at LEAST 5 more years, probably 10 more years, and anything after that would just be amazing.

Can you draw all of the boxes for next season? That Montana Grizzly was sick.

I've been thinking of getting that Grizz as a tattoo.  I am VERY tempted to keep drawing the boxes* next year, but it's a lot more fun for random schools like Montana than it is for boring ol' Purdue.  Also, I spend WAY too much time meticulously shading and sketching those out.  My time could probably be better spent... well there's gotta be something else I should be doing with all that time.

*'Drawing some box' just became my new favorite euphemism.

Andrew H-U

Most innovative Taco Bell product: Cheesy Gordita Crunch or Doritos Locos Taco?  CGC was a game changer, but Taco Bell teaming up with Doritos...who can beat that?

It's definitely the CGC.  I have NEVER been to Taco Bell and left without a CGC.  Absolutely impossible.  It's by far the best fast food item in the world, and at $2 it's an absolute steal.

That's not to say that I don't LOVE the Doritos Locos tacos.  They're fucking delicious.  Best of both worlds?  A CGC with a Doritos Locos taco shell in it.  The first time I went to try the Doritos Locos taco, I was admittedly a little drunk.  When I finally got up to the register (the place was swamped), I stumbled through asking if they could put the Dorito taco INSIDE the CGC.  I figured I was asking for some special order.  I couldn't even finish my question before the guy was punching it in the register.  Apparently I wasn't alone in thinking this was a genius idea.

CONCLUSION: They're both amazing, but with their powers combined, they're the motherfucking Captain Planet of fast food.

Danny P

Let's talk about an all-time classic - Armageddon.  One thing that's always bothered me is after they leave the asteroid and leave Bruce Willis behind to detonate the nuke.  As you know, things start getting unstable, he gets tossed around and it takes him longer than expected to hit the button.  Colonel Willie Sharp (also - Willie? that's another thing that's bothered me, but we'll save that) debates turning around to do it himself.  But let's be honest here, there's a zero percent chance that they could actually be in a position to make a difference.  The asteroid is already spinning on all three axes and we already know they couldn't land where they were supposed to the first time.  And they are only seconds away from Zero-Barrier!  I mean, let's be realistic here.

Am I missing something here?

There are about 5 million things that make no sense in Armageddon, and this is the one that sticks out for you?  How about this:

I can almost buy the premise of burying the bomb; if it sits on the surface, half of the energy of the explosion just goes into space, wasted. But 800 feet? That's only 1/5000th of the way in! If the asteroid were the size of a soccer ball, that distance would be about 0.06 millimeters, or 0.002 inches, perhaps as wide as a human hair. And that will split the asteroid in half. Right. But wait... there's a fissure that runs through the asteroid. By putting the bomb in there, it splits the asteroid in half! Luckily, the fissure is lined up perfectly so that the two halves move away from the Earth. Imagine if the plane of the fissure were facing the Earth; the bomb would have launched one rock into the Earth at an extra 1000 miles per hour. Lucky for us the writers remembered to line the fissure up the right way! ;-) One other thing: if time is of the essence, and they have to dig 800 feet down, why did they dig at a 45 degree angle?! That added an extra 320 feet to their drilling. What they should have done was ram one of those X-71's straight on to the asteroid. That would have created a crater much deeper than that! They wouldn't have had to dig so far.

Real talk, 'fissure' is a hilarious word and one that I will never associate with actual science.  So yeah, you're right, there is DEFINITELY no way they could have landed back in the exact same spot before the asteroid hit Zero-Barrier.  We knew the entire time that Colonel Willie Sharp was an idiot and kinda a dick.  Seriously, who brings a fucking handgun into space?

PS - Space Dementia, still the most terrifying affliction one can get.

Jake S

Do you think anyone has ever smoked weed in the white house? and if so who?

Short answer: Abso-fuckin-lutely.  And I guarantee some presidents have blazed in the White House.  Thank god for the internet, because here's what I found:

JFK: Close acquaintances say Kennedy used cannabis regularly to control his back pain (even during his term) and actually planned on legalizing marijuana during his second term.

JFK was definitely the first 'modern' president I thought could have smoked in the White House.  The dude just liked to party, and no one's ever telling the Prez what he can/can't do.  Odds: 95%

Jimmy Carter: Along with his efforts to legalize marijuana, Some say Carter also hosted many marijuana smoke filled events at the White House. This leads most to assume Carter at least tried it at some point in life.

What were these mysterious 'marijuana smoke filled events'?  Shredding Led Zeppelin albums while dominating some foreign policy?  Odds: 85%

GW: Bush publicly refused to answer the marijuana question. He was later caught saying he refused to talk about it “because I don’t want some little kid doing what I tried”.

Odds: 1,000%

Slick Willy Clinton: Clinton famously stated that he smoked but “didn’t inhale”. He has been known to bend the truth every now and then, so he still makes the list.

I mean he basically admitted that he did.  And if you smoke weed, and you're the president, then you smoke weed in the White House.  Odds: 100%

All of the above information comes from the highly credible website.  NOTE: This is probably not a site you wanna visit at work.

You can write my name in as Jackie if you want, for equality purposes.

I appreciate the offer.  I think I'll just start calling you Jackie in real life instead.

PS - Lotta smart people out there using the Google Machine:

Katie G

What did people do to procrastinate at work before social media? or...before the Internet?

Well yeah, before Twitter/Facebook, people just putzed around on the internet.  No big deal.  But before that?  That's insane.  If there's one thing that the internet is better at than anything else in the history of the world, it's killing time.  I imagine old people used to do crosswords in their lap.  Or maybe they actually worked?  Can we rule that out?  All you ever hear about is old people bitching about young people having no work ethic and what not.  Maybe they should consider that we just have so many awesome THINGS at our disposal to entertain us.  Why enter that data when you can tweet a picture of your lunch?

The more I think about it, the more mysterious the pre-internet world was.  People actually read newspapers, checked out books from libraries, TALKED TO EACH OTHER IN PERSON.  Really strange stuff.  I'm not sure I'd still be alive if Al Gore didn't bless us with the internet.

Stephen S

Why don't the Badgers schedule any decent opponents or at least teams which draw, for their non-conference games?  I would love to see the badgers schedule in Notre Dame, Stanford, Arizona, maybe even Texas instead of Northern Iowa, Austin Peay and Wofford.

I'm going to (safely) assume we're talking about football here.  One thing has to be understood: It takes 2 to make these big time home and homes.  If we wanna play a Notre Dame or Texas, they have to want to play us as well.  They have to agree to come to Camp Randall.  That is much easier said than done.

Another factor: These non-conference games are usually scheduled multiple years in advance.  How many programs out there will for sure be good in 4 years?  Even ones you think are stable have down years.  Look at the schools you named:
  • Notre Dame - From 2007 - 2010, they were a combined 24-26
  • Stanford - From 2002 - 2009, they were a combined 33-60
  • Arizona - We played at Arizona in 2004.  They went 3-8 that year.  I struggle to remember the last time they were in a BCS picture.
  • Texas - 13-12 in the last 2 years.
We played Oregon State at home last year and travel west this season to play them again.  Most people probably just think they're shit.  But they were 36-17 from 2006-2009.  Outside of, what, maybe 5-10 programs, there is simply NO guarantee that any opponent 3, 4, 5 years from now will be quality.

None of this even touches on the risk/reward of having a challenging non-conference schedule.  In my eyes, there's little to gain (a slight bump with the computers) vs. everything to lose (1-loss Wisconsin will most likely NEVER make a National Championship game).  If we get a little lucky and our future opponents are on the upswing, we'll be fine.

PS - @ASU in 2013, @WSU in 2014, @Virginia Tech in 2016, Washington and Virginia Tech in 2017.  If a school like Virginia Tech (back-to-back BCS bowls) falls apart in the next 3 years, will you blame Barry and BB for not scheduling tough opponents?

Quick hitters for the home stretch...

Dean B

Why does wisco have such broke cheerleaders?

I have no idea, but they're consistently broke every year.

Kevin H

What is your least favorite thing about college basketball?

The one-and-dones.  Get rid of the age limit and let them go to the League.  And Michigan State.

What is your least favorite college (Ohio State)?  Coach (Ohio State)?

LOADED QUESTION.  While I hate OSU as much as the next guy, I think it's a 3 way tie between them, Michigan, and Michigan State.  I've spent my whole life hating Michigan, and OSU is filthy... but the UW/MSU rivalry is growing real fast.

What are the best and worst parts of St Pattys day?

Best: This.  Worst: People who are 4% Irish acting like it's their national holiday.

How many times do you plan to see wrath of the titans?

I hope this is sarcastic.

Who is your favorite roommate?

Since I know neither of them are going to read this, let me just say that they both suck.

Why don't all athletic shorts have pockets?

I assume because people can get their fingers snagged in pockets, but that's bullshit.  Shorts without pockets are virtually worthless, and I own far too many of them.

What is the next billion dollar idea that people really have no need for (see beanie babies, snuggies)?  (If you can answer this question, you probably shouldn't, but let me get in.)

I know the answer but I'm not telling because I'm tired of sharing my BDI's with the world.  Gonna come back to bite me one of these days.

What is the most number of questions you've gotten from someone bored at work?

I think we're approaching the record.

What is the best theme party idea that you've never been a part of?  (If you answer golf pros and tennis hoes, please remove me from this list and kill yourself.)

I'm glad I read the part in parentheses before answering.  Someone had Ski School party in January, and I was kinda mad I couldn't go to it.

Do you like IMAX?

I haven't been to an IMAX since I was a kid and saw like 'Whales of the Deep Ocean'.  It's expensive and stupid.

Where does game of thrones opening song/map tour rank among openings for shows?  Personally, I was a big fan of the openings to how to make it in America, the wire, and dexter.  Not entourage (the oh yeahs at the end always bothered me).

Game of Thrones is almost for sure the best.  Not only is the music kickass, but it's dynamic and fantastically illustrated.  This is the only other one I can think of that you didn't list.  But I never would have known about it if it weren't for this guy.

That'll do it.  To the people that emailed, commented, tweeted, or liked - thank you.  Hearing back from you makes this fun.  I'll see you in August.

Always and forever...


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