Thursday, December 29, 2016

Cotton Bowl vs. #12 Western Michigan

Fire up, it's time to take on WESTERN MICHIGAN! MARQUEE MATCHUP CITY!

Whatever. I have no idea, but I was never actually that upset after we choked that B1G Championship away. Maybe it's because (as I've been saying all year) my expectations for this team were so low that we've already far surpassed them. Maybe it's because even if we won we still weren't going to make the Playoff. Not sure. But I got over it and hopefully you have by now as well.

Our consolation prize for losing to Penn State? A date with the Western Michigan Broncos in the Cotton Bowl Presented By Cotton Eyed Joe. They're undefeated and probably have a bunch of Western Michigan Truther fans out there that are up in arms that they're not playing for a national championship, which on the surface is hilarious, but also... is it literally just impossible to play for a championship if you're in a shit conference? I guess that's kinda why the non-power 5 conferences are looking at creating their own championship, which I'm sure will not be belittled or made fun of at all.

This is essentially a notch below facing TCU in the Rose Bowl: it's not a sexy program from a big conference, and it's not difficult to view this as the classic lose/lose where losing is embarrassing and winning is expected since they're not a big program.

You want my take? Noon on January 2nd is a great time to get day drunk and extend that holiday vacay one extra day. No more football games until September. Drink it in and drink it deep before the tap runs dry.


Sure, a few did. Let's take a look.
  • Luther Vandross, rhythm and blues/urban contemporary singer, songwriter, and record producer. Of course, he is best known for...

    • For the record, that's a top 5 Kanye song. I'll hear no arguments otherwise.
    • Terry Crews, actor. I'm gonna just level with you and tell you I thought this was the Office Linebacker guy. Apparently that's Terry Tate. This seems like a reasonable mix up. I'm drinking an iced latte and listening to Lady Gaga right now, how are you doing?
    • Page Kennedy, actor. Hollywood is BULLSHIT. Here's a quick list of the roles Page has played in his actings:
      • In 2005, Kennedy won a recurring role on the popular ABC primetime soap, Desperate Housewives where he played Caleb Applewhite, a fugitive who was being held captive in his mother's basement. 
      • Kennedy joined the cast of Showtime's hit series Weeds during its second and third season. He played U-Turn, a drug-dealer and self-described "thug".
      • Kennedy played Radon Randell an "unidentified black male", a quarterback starting over the main character, Alex Moran, in the Spike television series Blue Mountain State. 
      • Kennedy had a guest appearance whereas he played a burglar in the new 2013 TV series Legit.
      • Kennedy played a gay inmate and gang leader in My Name is Earl and a married inmate and ex-con in Raising the Bar.
    • Hey Page Kennedy, I don't know how TV works, but I think you need a new agent because you have been TYPECAST.
    • Greg Jennings, YouTube star. Still slays me:

        • That Darren Sharper cameo is decidedly less funny than it was a few years ago.
        • "Fuck you Gumby" remains one of my favorite things to yell at someone.
        • Tim Allen, actor and stand-up comedian. Things you need to know about Tim Allen:
          • His real name is Timothy Allen Dick, and I guess he didn't feel like getting famous known as Tim Dick.
          • In 1978, he was arrested with a pound and a half of cocaine. He then snitched out the rest of the people involved to get a lighter sentence. There's nothing on his wiki page about it, but I'm assuming he got the stitches he rightfully deserved.
          • During a one week span in 1994, he starred in the #1 movie (The Santa Claus), had the #1 bestseller, and appeared in the #1 TV show (Home Improvement). That is obnoxious.
          • Galaxy Quest is a HIGHLY underrated movie
        • Tim "The Toolman" Taylor & Jill Taylor, fictional characters. Quite the impressive alumni group you have, Western Michigan.

        CHICAGO BADGERS: Seriously if you're working on Tuesday you're a sucker and I can't explain that any more succinctly.


        TV: ESPN


        1) Ohio State, 11-1 (8-1). It just HAS to be anything other than OSU/Bama, right? Feels too obvious. Like thinking all four #1 seeds are gonna make the Final Four.

        PS - I mean yeah it's totally gonna be OSU/Bama.

        2) Penn State, 11-2 (8-1). YOU DESERVE NOTHING THAT YOU RECEIVE

        3) Wisconsin, 10-3 (7-2). IU hoops on Tuesday, COMIN FOR THAT ASS COACH CREAM

        4) Michigan, 10-2 (7-2). I just looked at our 2017 schedule for the first time and I can't WAIT for these boners to come to Madtown. Dare I call a game on November 18th next year a MUST WIN?

        5) Nebraska, 9-3 (6-3). 


        6) Iowa, 8-4 (6-3). Not to stick with hoops, but the latest FRANTRUM was so perfect. Refusing to do the handshake line after a game you won is such a dbag move. I don't even care that the other team did something stupid in going for a steal down 11 with 3 seconds left (and yes that's incredibly stupid). Forcing your entire team to head to the locker room is so petulant and pathetic that few coaches could actually pull it off.

        7) Indiana, 6-6 (4-5). Creeeannnnnnnnnn

        8) Maryland, 6-6 (3-6). Anyone else excited for the NYE/Packers/Badgers trifecta? I know I'm looking forward to embracing death on Tuesday!

        9) Minnesota, 8-4 (5-4). 9-4 with an ugly bowl win? THEY SHOULD HANG A BANNER AND MAKE A TROPHY FOR THIS SEASON

        10) Northwestern, 6-6 (5-4). Look at all these mediocre B1G teams winning their bowl games. Good on you!

        11) Illinois, 3-9 (2-7). It's come to my attention that it may be rude to take your napkin after a meal and crumble it up on your plate. I always did this as my official sign to the waiter/waitress that I was done and my plate could be removed. Whatever.

        So now I have a new napkin folding hobby:

        That rose napkin is ON POINT.

        12) Purdue, 3-9 (1-8). La La Land was better than I expected. Is it a chick flick? Kinda feels like a chick flick, but I thought it was a gorgeous movie with a fun soundtrack. And not to get all spoilery (THIS IS YOUR SPOILER WARNING), but I really like movies where they don't just fall into the happiest ending possible. It's too easy. It's too convenient. It's too damn TRITE. Just like Rogue One (also great), sometimes you gotta throw a little shade at the good guys.

        PS - Potentially also a big reason why Game of Thrones is the best show in TV history. WINTER IS HERE

        13) Michigan State, 3-9 (1-8). Are we on pace for the worst combined MSU hoops/football season in over a decade? When's the last time they missed a bowl and the tourney? ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE

        14) Rutgers, 2-10 (0-9). LOOK HOW CUTE SHE IS


        Well I've never seen Scott Pilgrim vs. The World and I'm just now realizing this is actually a Metric song! THE MORE YOU KNOW.


        Are you excited?

        Directional Michigan!

        Three dollar tickets.


        2016's been rough. Let's enjoy kids making crowds go wild.


        That is a New York Strip from the Boeufhaus in Chicago. And that steak was really good, but the big winner was the cauliflower au gratin in the background. Which was essentially molten cauliflower mac and cheese. YES PLEASE.


        A photo posted by Nick Ulivieri (@nick_ulivieri) on

        How I feel whenever I see one of Nick's photos:

        PS - I started watching The West Wing for the first time and man that show is so good. I wanna tell everyone so the whole world knows how good it is, especially since it's old and I'm most likely the last person on the planet to watch it.


        Time to cap off a pleasantly surprising season with a win over an undefeated team. It may not be for a championship, but let's fully transition to hoops with a W. THE PICK:

        WISCONSIN 41, Western Michigan 13




        1. Buzz kill alert: MSU is 2-0 in conference. You just know they'll find a way to be in the dance, come that time of year. Damn.

        2. Missing you, boo <3

          Come back and tell us about sports some more.