Thursday, September 8, 2011

Badger Preview: UNLV

This is easily the most excited I've ever been for a Badger season - football OR basketball.  More excited than I was for last year's football season, where we were coming off a dominant win over Miami and returning a huge core of key contributors.  More excited than I was Junior year for a 30 win hoops team and front row tickets.  In fact, I'm more excited about the 2011-2012 (because we ARE playing in 2012) Wisconsin Badger football team than I was when I discovered that you can spin a warm can of beer in ice for 30 seconds and make it cold.  FUCKING MAGIC.

Last week I outlined my expectations/predictions/ramblings for the entire season.  From here on on out, however, we're adopting the same mentality that Bielema* preaches to his squad: 1-0.  Focus on the now.  One game at a time.  And this week, it's all about the UNLV Runnin' REHHHHHHH-BELLLLLLLLLLLLS.  That cheer is like if 'Boiler Up' and 'First and Ten Wisconsin!' had a baby that was a ginger.

*I just added Bielema to the dictionary on my computer.  I kinda wish when you did that that** it would give you the option to add in a definition, or at least some synonyms.  I'd probably go with 'Ass kicker, panty dropper, soon-to-be Head Coach of the National Champion Wisconsin Badgers.'

**It bothers me to no end to use the same word twice in a row.  That has NEVER looked right.  But saying it any other way sounds stupid.  'I kinda wish when you did such a thing, that it...'  Nah.  Only British people in old movies say stuff like that.  I'm pretty much just thinking of the most stereotypical British lady in The Patriot (the badass one with Mel Gibson, not the bullshit flick with Steven Seagal, that always punks me) after the Americans stole Cornwallace's dogs: 'What beast would do such a thing!?'  And I'm officially on some kind of strange tangent that needs to end.  RIGHT MEOW.

PS - Worst Cheers:

5) I-O-W-A/O-H-I-O (O RLY?  You can spell your own state?)
4) That damn Northwestern growl every 10 seconds in their high school stadium
3) First and Ten Wisconsin
2) Anything and everything involving Michigan
1) Boiler Up

CHICAGO BADGERS: Redmond's.  Stadium Cups.  Gallons of Miller Lite.  At least 12 confetti explosions.  Unnecessary Badger Bombs.  The sky's the limit.

POST GAME: A-Bar at 865 W. Buckingham, #101.  We'll probably have some beer, but you should strongly consider stopping at the liquor store right there on Clark and bringing something.  Everyone is limited to 5 minutes of puppy time.

SHAMELESS PLUGS: Latest and greatest at The Hot Glove, plus a direct link all of my posts.  And since we're here, might as well link to my Twitter.

BADGER PREVIEW IS STILL LOOKING FOR NEW BLOOD: Keep sending me new people to add.  Or I'll start depicting you in Paint doing terrible things.





Counting down the best meals in Madison, one week at a time.  The countdown truly begins this week with #12...

12) Pizza di Roma - Chicken Parm and Pepperoni/Sausage Double Slice Dinner

Admittedly, I rarely got these at the same time.  Real talk, that's a hearty meal of pizza when one considers the size of the slices and the heat they're packing in the toppings department (excellent department, BTW).  But under the right circumstances, this was the best non-Ian's pizza meal you'll find in Madison.  The chicken parm slice was an utter game changer for me.  And it was so frustrating because I feel like they NEVER had it.  At the end of the day, I'm fully aware that it's essentially just a slice of cheese with cut up strips of chicken tenders on it.  But HOLY SHIT, THAT SOUNDS AMAZING.  It's delightfully* simple and incredibly tasty.

The pepperoni & sausage slice, however, was ALWAYS available.  And damn near impossible to turn down.  You would think cubes of sausage might be a bit questionable, but I (obviously) thoroughly enjoy them.  Also, is di Roma run by Russians as well?  Why are there so many Russians running pizza spots?  Why do Asians run the New Orleans grill in the Thompson Center?  Why do Middle Easterners run Philly's Best?  Can't figure any of this out.

*'Delightful' will be used in some manner in this section every week.  Or until I forget.


Wisconsin D-Line vs. UNLV O-Line
Fact #1: UNLV is starting like 12 freshmen on their offensive line.
Fact #2: UW needs a consistent pass rush from its front four to have any chance at a great defense.
Fact #3: If the Badger D-Line can't terrorize a bunch of Mountain West Froshballs, we might be in some serious barney.
Fact #4: I'm currently writing this while simultaneously organizing my company's confidence pool.  MULTITASKING.
Fact #5: My company paid an exorbitant amount of money for these people to come in and work on making things more efficient around here (THINK: The Bobs in Office Space).  Anyway, they pretty much told us that multitasking is bad.  There were no words in my mind to adequately articulate my disagreement.  Would you get 1/10th of your work done if you didn't multitask?  Because I know I wouldn't.  I don't think I've ever seen a job listing that didn't list multitasking as a desired characteristic.  'Effective multitasker' is one of those phrases that is on 90% of the world's resumes.  These guys are getting away with robbery by taking a company's money and telling their employees not to multitask.

Russel Wilson vs. The Motherfucking World
There is NOTHING more exciting than Russell Wilson's debut.  HOLD ON.  Wilson needs a nickname and he needs it yesterday.  POSSIBILITIES:
  • Black Thunder
  • The Junior Mike Vick Show
  • Black Jesus (Pretty sure this is not offensive due to the fact that AP is Purple Jesus.  Wait, does that mean it should be Red Jesus?  Oh lord, I'm just gonna stop.)
  • The Russell Goes Woo Wooooooooo
  • It's really hard trying to force a nickname on someone who's really nice and normal looking

Anyway, here are some guarantees on the eve of Black Jesus' Badger debut:

  • Completes at least 67% of his passes
  • Throws a touchdown to a tight end
  • That touchdown will most likely come on the first play action the Badgers run
  • He'll have at least 2 broken plays where he either scrambles like a hybrid of Vick and Chris Johnson, or he throws a dart on the run like a more polished version of Aaron Rodgers
  • The entire female student body will fall MADLY in love
  • I will have a new man-crush
So, yeah, I'm a little excited.


2Pac - Can't C Me

I can make a motherfucker shake, rattle and roll

For some reason whenever I hear that line, I transform into the biggest thug ever.  I think I even say it aloud when I'm on the train or something.  I think that's kinda like when you go to prison, rule #1 is that you have to kick someone's ass the first night to let everyone else know that you mean business and you're not gonna be anyone else's bitch.  On the train, people fear me because I'm talking about making motherfuckers shake, rattle and roll.  Whatever the hell that means.

Smashing Pumpkins - Here Is No Why

I could run through a brick wall while listening to that song.  Some damn fine guitarmanship (new word).  And you notice that shit on the right side of the screen?  Reminds me of tracking from VHS tapes.  Was anything WORSE than tracking?  I still have no idea what the hell it even means.  I just know that once VCR's started doing that auto-tracking stuff, my life was marginally better.

Matt & Kim - Red Paint

Now, your initial reaction might be, 'Matt & Kim after 2Pac and the Pumpkins?  WTF?'  My initial reaction to your initial reaction is 'Hmmm, maybe I should rethink this one.'  NO!  Not only is this song pretty good, but they put on one of the BEST live shows you'll ever see.  The BEST, Jerry!  Seriously, we saw them at the Vic here in Chicago earlier this summer and my face was literally melted.  I had only heard 'Daylight' before seeing that concert, and I still left forever in love with Kim and kinda digging their music.  But if you're given a chance to see them in concert, do me a favor and GO.  You'll thank me later.  They should totally pay me for this glowing endorsement.


Should be in Vegas

Still hungover from last year

Totally worth it.


This both terrifies me and looks like the coolest thing of all-time.  My weekend consists of drinking heavily and making a fool of myself.  Their weekend involves building a monster slip and slide slingshot thing in a quarry with jet skis and naked chicks everywhere.  Time for a re-evaluation, I think.

I am forever amused with a good headshot.  And this is a fantastic headshot.



Awwwwwww, her first ice cream cone!  For reals, Scooter's custard is the dankest.  Definitely the second best custard I've ever had (after Kopp's, obvs).  She wasn't a big fan of the cone though.  SHE SHALL LEARN.



APARTMENT POOP COUNTER: 1 fresh one today

: Too many to count


It's remarkable that only 49 people are smart enough to follow @ShitGrothSays.  I see no other reason to be on Twitter.  Flip side, this is the PERFECT reason to join Twitter.  Look at what you're missing:


First thoughts: Is Serbian Lemon Everclear real?  I honestly think I'm better off never knowing the answer to that question.  Sophomore year we thought we'd be badass and rail shots of Everclear.  I think everyone took one and then immediately realized that it was the most terrible idea we've ever had.  That shit feels like liquid lava fire slowly matriculating itself down your throat before starting a bonfire in your stomach.  While I'm aware that most Serbian drinks taste better, I think I'll pass.

It's worth pointing out that he did in fact get a shave from an experienced barber, and he was more than satisfied with it.  No word on the hot sauna yet, though.


I mean, who DOESN'T occasionally pass out mid-sentence?  It's one of those things where as long as you do it in moderation, it's not really a problem.  Like meth.



Sonoran Hot Dog

Disclaimer: Big Star is quite possibly my favorite establishment in Chicago.  I don't quite wanna call it my favorite bar, or my favorite restaurant... but it's definitely the hottest combo.  And the Sonoran Hot Dog is an experience in and of itself.  Wait, 'in and of itself'... is that a phrase?  I can't quite decide if that was horribly stupid or dashingly brilliant.  Regardless, any item on a menu that starts with 'a hot dog wrapped in bacon...' has my full attention.  I'm still yet to eat an entire one myself, but even half of this especialidad mexicana is quite satisfying.


Queso Fundido

Melted Cheese: THE BEST
Non-melted Cheese: GROSS

That's the story of my life.  The queso fundido at Big Star adds in some chorizo and some poblanos (I believe) in addition to the warm tortillas it's served with.  One fresh appetizer.


Very informative and well-written profile of the guys behind Sconnie. (Fun Fact: the author and the subject are included in this email group!  But that's not why I'm plugging it.  I swear.  OK, they both paid me.  YOU WOULD DO THE SAME.*)

Nicolet alum and former standout Stanford Cardinal Dan Grunfeld is now writing tales of his life as an international hooper.  The first version compares life in the NBA vs. life in Europe.  After reading about how pampered NBA players are, I pretty much have decided that I hate my life.

A few days late, but this is probably my favorite piece on Russell Wilson.  Always fun seeing the Badgers hyped in national press.

Those who know me well know that I'm a big fan of Drew Magary.  This week's funbag at Deadspin was especially entertaining - mainly because it was much longer than usual.  Also of note, he wrote a novel about what the world would be like if a 'cure' for aging was discovered.  Sounds pretty interesting and I already bought my copy.  You can find a link to do the same right there on the Deadspin.


If you don't know why this is funny, keep thinking.

*Clearly I was not paid.



So I had to work last Saturday at 7 am.  I know, terrible, right?  Well usually I'd just be able to login remotely from home... which is glorious because I can work from my bed while watching the Price is Right and yelling at Groth to cook me bacon.  Unfortunately, that wasn't working, so I had to drag my still-drunk ass into the office.  The silver lining?  The El ride home featured some foreigners playing with what I'm gonna guess are rosary beads.  I just couldn't understand it.  Probably doesn't help that I haven't the FAINTEST idea what rosary beads are, other than the bad Asian guy in Rush Hour used to carry them everywhere.  Very intimidating.


For the record, I wasn't sure they were foreign until I saw that they were wearing bathing suits.  That's just way too obvious.


Last year things started off a little slow, which is surprising considering how much of the offense returned.  This year I expect NONE OF THAT.  I'm going to assume that they'll break Russellmania in very cautiously while relentlessly abusing UNLV with the Ball/White/Gordon trifecta of pain.  If we don't put up 40+ I'll be kinda disgusted.  On the flip side, I figure UNLV will get a couple cheapies once the starters start getting pulled.  And the D will be in its first game of the post-Doeren regime, so you can expect some growing pains early on.  Let's see... I'll peg it at...



No comments:

Post a Comment