@ #22 Nebraska

MADISON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM:

MONTEE BALL BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER! I am fucking DEVASTATED. If you can't tell from the amount of caps lock I'm throwing in you grill right off the bat, this is a big deal. Might be time for another BADGER PREVIEW INVESTIGATION:

WHAT WE KNOW

Sunday night I was watching that traveshamockery of a football game when I saw someone retweet Monteé. Odd, I thought, since I didn't see his original tweet in my feed. So I clicked on his profile, hit the 'follow' button, and was slapped with the cold, hard reality up above. Monteé Ball - one of my favorite Badgers - personally blocked me on Twitter.

THEORIES

As cool as I am, Monteé never followed me on Twitter. So what led him to block me?

Maybe I tweeted something negative about him. To test out that possibility, I used the ever-handy All My Tweets to check out my last 3,000ish tweets (insert your own joke about how that should cover the last 2 weeks). Here are all the mentions I've made of @M_Ball28:

• WTF? @M_Ball28 blocked me on Twitter?! I've never been so devastated in my entire life. Sep 25, 2012
• @jaypo1961 @M_Ball28 People get PAID for jobs… Sep 12, 2012
• @carlyks Told my diehard Badger friend they @DangeRussWilson and @M_Ball28 are my top 2 favorite Badgers ever. I stand by that. #purewisco Aug 12, 2012
• TMZ not painting an accurate picture? NO WAY RT @M_Ball28: The report that I was involved in a fight is totally false. Aug 02, 2012
• RT @M_Ball28: I appreciate the support and thank you for the concerns.I will be okay! See you guys in September! #WiscONsin Aug 01, 2012
• Love it. #MonteeBallShow #MBS RT @M_Ball28: #onwisconsin http://t.co/idy1VQuP Jul 20, 2012
• #OnWisconsin RT @M_Ball28: wisconsin boys destroyed that workout this morning.. eyes on the prize, last year was last year. 2012 #letsgetit Jun 28, 2012
• Can't even explain how awesome it is to have @M_Ball28 and @jwhiteout20 in the backfield at the same time. #canadianpower Apr 11, 2012

So there ya go. Calling him one of my favorite Badgers, defending him when he was getting slammed for the fight, and heaping praise. I think we can safely rule out any form of Twitter bashing as the cause of him blocking me. That really leaves only one other possibility:

MONTEE BALL READ LAST WEEK'S PREVIEW

Or one of his friends did and let him know about it. Yeah, I poked fun at him adding the accent to his name and aired my frustration over our lack of success running the ball. But I can guarantee he's heard a thousand worse things said about him after games. So I'm not sure if I should feel awesome because Monteé Ball may have read my Preview... or crushed because he hates me as a result of it.

Regardless, I'll continue to root for Monteé because I still think he's an awesome Badger. I just wish we could sit down over a couple Gatorades and clear the air. Womp womp.

PS - Is it bad that I actually was a legit little sad over this? Stung my Badger pride.

CHICAGO BADGERS: Will's is still the best place to watch a Badger game as far as I'm concerned, so might as well go for a 5th week in a row.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: I lied last week. I will actually be doing a HuffPo Live college football roundtable discussion thingy TONIGHT at 8:40 pm CST. Head over to HuffPo Live as I do everything in my power not to act a fool.

SHAMELESS PLUG #2: The better half of Statesider 302A will be taking control of ESPN980 this Saturday from 11 am - 3 pm CST. Give it a listen at ESPN980.com. He knows more about sports and less about cheese than you could ever imagine. You just might learn something.

(via)

WHO/WHERE/WHEN

TV: ABC

WEATHER: 50'S, CLEAR, BLAND AS NEBRASKA

NEBRASKA'S STILL NEW TO THE BIG TEN. LET'S DIG A LITTLE DEEPER.

NOTABLE ALUMNI

• Warren Buffett, Old Rich Bastard. What's his deal? Am I the only person that hates him? Auctioning off lunch with himself to some Japanese dude for a trillion dollars? Having a stock that costs like $100,000 a share? I used to think he was the dude doing intros at wrastling matches.* Then I realized he's just a wrinkled old rich white guy. Meh.
• Bion J. Arnold, Father of the Third Rail. THE THIRD RAIL! So scary. I live in absolute fear of the third rail. If you live somewhere without real public transportation (Hey Milwaukee people!), the third rail is the elevated rail on train tracks that provides electric power to the trains. Off the top of my head, most intimidating things in the world:

1. Police officers on horses. 'Nuff said.
2. The Third Rail. I heard that if you pee on the third rail, electricity will shoot up through your little weenus and KILL YOU.
3. Ray Lewis. Not only is he a terrifying freak on the field, but the man KILLED A PERSON IN REAL LIFE.
4. Large bodies of water, like oceans and shit. Read Unbroken.
5. Racist Clint Eastwood. I'm white and I was whimpering in fear while watching Gran Torino.

• A.A. Luebs, pioneered the field of air conditioning. You know what, I'm starting to call bullshit on this one. I think some greedy Cornhusker added this guy to this list of notable alumni. He doesn't even have his own wiki page, and if you search for his name on the air conditioning wiki, nothing comes up. A shame, too, because air conditioning is more important than the internet and cell phones combined. So more important than smart phones?
• Rulon Gardner, Greco-Roman Wrastling Gold Medalist. True American hero. Do you remember how popular he was when he defeated that anonymously evil and previously undefeated Russian in Sydney? Jesus Christ, the Sydney Olympics were 12 years ago?? That's insane. Those are probably the first Olympics I can specifically remember watching. Sometimes I think I'm the only person who doesn't remember much from the first 12 years of their life. Just a giant blur in my mind. Maybe I'm repressing a lot of awful memories, like Mr. Egghead:

You don't understand: I was genuinely terrified of Mr. Egghead when I was a kid. If I had to choose between a million clowns or Mr. Egghead, I'd take the clowns a thousand times out of a thousand. I bet my parents are reading this and laughing their asses off because not only do they know how true this is, but they used to TORTURE me with Mr. Egghead. Fuck that egg.

*Goosebumps

THE BEST DRINKS IN MADISON

8) Das Boot at Essen Haus

DAS BOOT! Old guy doing a boot! For some reason, drinking beer out of a giant glass boot just makes so much sense. Like, why wouldn't you be passing a giant glass boot full of beer around in a circle until it's gone? Added bonus: Essen Haus has some absolutely delicious beers - making it a nice change of pace from the incessant Natty Light consumption that takes place every other night. For my group, a trip to Essen Haus was like a field trip: once or twice a year, we'd all mount up and make our way out there (always felt like it was in Verona, I guess it's actually not that far) to smash boots for hours.

While Essen Haus is the Mecca of booting, doing it at home is just as fun. Especially considering you can really spice it up and do boots with whatever you want. Like wop. That's one of those ideas where before you pour it, it's all 'YEAH LET'S TOTALLY DO A BOOT OF WOP THIS WILL BE AMAZING'. And then 3 seconds into your first turn you quickly realize:

But I swear it was a good idea at the time.

PS - What were the odds that I got through this entire section without linking this video? 3%? 2%?

PPS - It's totally true advice.

PPPS - Laughing a little too hard at my desk to that clip. No biggie.

Previously:

9) I Think It's A Long Island, But Whatever Comes In The Mason Jar at Red Shed

10) Orange Halloween Wop

11) Three Story Beer Bongs On Dayton Street

12) Mountain Creek Power Hour

Honorable Mentions: Birthday Mug at the Nitty Gritty, World's Biggest Mixed Drinks at Quaker Steak & Lube, Old Fashioned at the Old Fashioned

MATCH-UPS TO WATCH

My Lifelong Defeat In Raffles vs. The Will's Halftime Raffle

I have never won a damn thing in a raffle. Or a lottery. Or anything like that. The worst part? I continually participate in these things thinking, 'I am FOR SURE gonna win a Wisconsin dog leash today, lock it up, championship!' And then, of course, the Wisconsin dog leash comes and I don't win and I JUST DON'T GET IT. I was supposed to win it today! I actually hate anyone who's ever won anything in a raffle. It must be the best feeling getting your number called, and the announcer keeps saying, '3-4-8, does anyone have ticket # 3-4-8?' and you start shoving women and children over to get to the bar in time and then you hear the magical words, 'Looks like we have a winner from upstairs!' YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT WE HAVE A WINNER FROM UPSTAIRS, WHERE'S MY DOG LEASH?* I'm not 100% sure, but I'm pretty damn sure this is the week where I finally chalk one up in the 'W' column. I'm winning a raffle item at halftime at Will's. Believe that.

*Don't even have a dog right now.

UW QB Joel Stave vs. Weird Drunk Nebraska People

I don't trust Nebraska fans. They have literally nothing else to do but drink, eat and root for Nebraska football. They don't have pro sports teams. They don't have rugged terrain to traverse. They don't have minorities. It's litrally just a bunch of white people drinking beer with too much corn syrup in it while revolving their lives around their 6-7 'Husker home games every year. That's it. I've been to Omaha, and let me tell you: Good steaks, homogenous population, LITTLE TO DO. Once you factor in that we embarrassed them in their first Big Ten game last year, it's pretty damn clear that the fans will be fired up Saturday night. And that's where Stave will be making his first collegiate road start. Ideal? Not by any means. But it's an exciting challenge for the freshman to take on, and I'm pretty stoked to see how he does. He'll probably get sacked 14 times and throw 9 interceptions, but the kid's gotta learn sometime. All eyes on you, Sunshine.

RANDOM MUSIC I'M DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK

Mumford & Sons - Below My Feet

I heard this song for the first time when they played it on SNL and immediately liked it. Big part of that? They used an electric guitar! Have they ever done that before? I really don't think so. And it may be a little risky for them, but in no ways was it overpowering. So, good job evolving your sound a little... because the rest of the album is pretty much exactly the same as your older stuff.  That's not necessarily a bad thing, it just doesn't have any tracks as good as White Blank Page or The Cave. I'd give Babel a solid B. #pitchforked

Nirvana - Lithium

I guess Monday was the 21st anniversary of Nevermind, which is a little insane. I was watching Back and Forth (Foo Fighters documentary) the other day and it starts off with a brief history of Nirvana. Man, it's a fucking crime that we lost Cobain when he was 27 years old. Suicide's a bitch.

(The transition from Mumford to Nirvana is like when the bobsled team in Cool Runnings flies from Jamaica to Canada and they step outside for the first time. COULD BE SMOOTHER.)

Bob Marley - No Woman, No Cry (Live)

Just to make sure we cover just about every end of the spectrum (wait, are there only 2 ends to a spectrum? Can my music spectrum have three ends?). My perception of my boss changed the day she walked by and heard me listening to some Bob and said, 'Brandon! I didn't know you liked Bob Marley! This changes EVERYTHING!'

NOTE: She's a middle-aged, white, Polish woman.

THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU

Done with the cupcakes

Buckle up, it's Big Ten time

Should start crying now

YOUTUBE

Following up from last week, and more relevant than ever... I WANT TO BE ED HOCHULI.

I think at some point in life I'm supposed to not be impressed with these videos anymore. I just haven't reached that point. Four things:

• Using the slinky was insane just because why the fuck would you depend on that? Did this guy not watch Ace Venture 2?
• What kinda witchcraft was at play with the chess pieces moving? GHOST OF BOBBY FISCHER PERHAPS?
• Sweet cell phones. I remember 2003 as well.
• Disappointing ending. I wanted fireworks. Or Rip Taylor.

PS - Burn notice:

I'm far too much of a coward to do real drugs like LSD, but this guy apparently gets paid to try drugs on a Dutch TV show. I kinda lost my shit when he was playing with the PS3 controller and just endlessly scrolling through the menu because he thought he was controlling the wall.

FOOD PORN

Finally got a chance to try Big & Little's (of Guy Fieri DDD fame). Holy shit, that place does not disappoint. I got the Pastor Burger: A fantastic piece of meat sandwiched between fried pork belly/jalapeños on the bottom, and two types of cheese/PINEAPPLE on the top. I interpreted it like the pork and pineapple were in this struggle competing for taste supremacy, but the burger was playing Switzerland and staying neutral. In the end, the pork and pineapple didn't realize that their struggle was just making the perfect mixture of savory and sweet flavors. I'm talking about a burger, right?

Their fries are dank as well, and I'm happy to report that they proudly serve Merkt's cheddar cheese for dipping. These guys might contend for my top 5 cheese fry list in the near future. All in all, an AWESOME meal.

SKY PORN

My boy took this pic and sent it to me, but I had to touch it up a bit first. Gotta bring out those true pinks and blues in a sunset shot.

Sunset over Chicago, looking North from the Mart. I have to say: the panorama feature they added to iOS 6 is fantastic. I've been taking panoramas with an app I bought for a few years now, but it's a bit of a pain in the ass, and it's too easy for there to be blurry/ghosting issues. But Apple's take on it is super smooth and very impressive.

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING HIPSTER/FASHION TALK

I probably wouldn't have iPhone Ninja'd just for the jacket he was wearing, but then I saw the old school camera he was toting around and my Hipster Alarm started going off full blast. I can guarantee right now that at some point in his life he's said to a person 'Yeah, I mean, I take Instagram pictures without even using the Instagram app. That shit's gone mainstream.' Instead, he just lugs around his grandpa's camera to try and pick up chicks at Big Star. I'm on to your bullshit, you fucking hipster.

I'm always taking a bit of a risk when I criticize a girl's outfit here because there's a decent chance one of the girls reading this has something similar. If so, please clarify: What the fuck am I looking at? Is that a short-sleeve Mafiosa Trench Coat? Because from where I was standing (TWO FEET IN FRONT OF HER), it sure as hell looked like a short-sleeve trench coat. Maybe she only busts it out in pseudo-Fall, still kinda Summery weather. I can't imagine it offers much protection and warmth once shit gets REAL out here.

PREDICTION CITY

We're not winning this game. THE PICK:

WISCONSIN 13, NEBRASKA 24

ON WISCONSIN