PS - Wedding thoughts:
- Pretty sick of old people hating on young people music, even though I know it's gonna be me soon enough. They're playing songs like Runaround Sue and every parent on the dance floor doesn't shut up. 'I tell ya, they don't write songs like this anymore.' You know what happens next? Shut Up And Dance comes on and the roof of the building is removed by force as a bunch of fifty-somethings slur 'I LOVE THIS SONG'. They don't write 'em like they used to? Well they definitely didn't write 'em like they do. Goes both ways, generation haters.
- Day weddings are downright LETHAL. This one was at a brewery, and the open bar was just a guy pouring straight from growlers they brought up from the brewery. How can you give me unlimited amazing amber beers and expect me to keep it together? And then you're all telling me to 'come on, just dance'? Okay, I'm not sure if you know how this works, but when you're a nerdy guy who sucks at dancing, it only becomes tolerable when you're drunk. And it only becomes fun when you're wasted. Classic messing with the bull and getting the horns situation.
- A friendly reminder: if you're making a speech at a wedding, keep it short. You're not Stephen Colbert who's gonna go up there and entertain the masses with some mind melting oration. You're going to ramble and look like an idiot and probably stumble into something awkward. Don't be that person with the terrible speech.
- If you're a wedding DJ/band and you don't play any Taylor Swift then you need to find a new profession. Maybe go to trade school and become some union manual laborer. This line of work ain't your thang.
PPS - Just heard the news about Clement needing surgery. That... sucks. No other way to spin it. Not only are we a worse team without him, but all you ever heard from him since he arrived is how he was going to wait his turn until he was the top dog in the backfield. Really just feel bad for him. Hopefully he comes back healthy and can help us upset Michigan State in Indy. Looking forward to that.
PPPS - Just kidding, can totally spin this:
4xPS - Welcome to Wisconsin Football 2k15:
CHICAGO BADGERS: Bless all that is a night game in September. Life is good. Even though it's a relatively weak opponent, I'd anticipate Will's being pretty packed Saturday night. Just get there early and drink it down.
WHO/WHERE/WHEN
HAWAII: COOL PLACE TO VACATION, COMPLETELY BORING SCHOOL
Not many fun facts about the Flyin' Rainbow Warriors. Let's just mosey on over to their alumni.
NOTABLE ALUMNI
- Bette Midler, Seinfeld guest actress. If you see her name and hear anything other than the Koreans in Seinfeld going 'Bette Meedluh!' then I don't know how to save you.
- Jason Elam, kicker. This one really caught me off guard. But hey, pretty smart move when you're a kicker from Georgia. Go out to Hawaii and just tear it up for 4 years before being one of the best kickers ever? I came here expecting to make fun of Hawaii for having a kicker as one of their top alums, but now I'm jelly.
- Joani Blank (M.A. 1964 Asian Studies), sex educator, entrepreneur. Of course, you may know her as the author of the award-winning Good Vibrations: Being a Treatise on the Use of Machines in the Indolent Indulgence of Erotic Pleasure-Seeking Together with Important Hints on the Acquisition, Care, and Utilization of Said Machines and Much More about the Art and Science of Buzzing Off, Down There Press, 1976. Sounds fascinating.
- Richard D. Parsons (1968, B.A. history), CEO and Chairman of Time Warner, Inc. If you have at any time in your life worked for a large cable company then I want you to know that I wish all the bad things upon you. Except the front line support people. It's not THEIR fault their company is run by greedy asshats like Richard D. Parsons. You and I both know that 'D' stands for douchebag.
- Ann Dunham (1967 B.A., 1983 M.A., 1992 Ph.D. anthropology), mother of U.S. President Barack Obama. Well look at the big brains on Ann! B.A. in 1967, then go back 16 years later for an M.A., and THEN go back 9 years later for a Ph.D? SHOW OFF. Imagine going after her at a networking event: 'Well I grew up in Hawaii and got a B.A., M.A., and Ph.D there and also my son is the President of the United States. What do you do?'
- Barack Obama Sr. (1962, B.A. economics), father of U.S. President Barack Obama. Just an econ degree? Well we know where Obama got his smarts from. Dad's kind of a letdown in comparison.
- Joe Onosai, World's Strongest Man competitor. Only because I LOVE Samoan Strength. It's one of my favorite strengths around. Dad Strength is obviously number one, but Samoan Strength is definitely in the top 5. Something about a bunch of chill ass dudes from the islands being the strongest men in the world really brings a smile to my face.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1) Michigan State, 3-0 (0-0). Yeah, these guys are good. Again.
2) Ohio State, 3-0 (0-0). Whoa, look who looks mortal now. May your QB controversy linger forever.
3) Wisconsin, 2-1 (0-0). Why am I not going to this night game. This is foolish.
4) Northwestern, 3-0 (0-0). Don't worry, the letdown is coming. Just believe.
5) Illinois, 2-1 (0-0). They have dreamed a dream, and now that dream is gone from them.
6) Iowa, 3-0 (0-0). Can I just say that this is amazing?
Nuns are currently "tailgating" a Pope event. First tailgate of Week 4 pic.twitter.com/avDAzvL2bu
— Pick Six Previews (@PickSixPreviews) September 23, 2015
Nuns tailgating for the Pope is all I ever need from the internet.
7) Minnesota, 2-1 (0-0). Love that their stadium is gonna install LACTATION SUITES:
I give it three games before Deadspin has a video of a couple caught gettin' dirty in one of them.
8) Michigan, 2-1 (0-0). This Saturday, we are all members of #soaknation
9) Maryland, 2-1 (0-0). I'm going to assume their visit to West Virginia will not reflect kindly on the B1G.
10) Indiana, 3-0 (0-0). Loving this little movement to get Gameday to come to Bloomington in two weeks when OSU comes to town. If there's any school that deserves a Gameday, it's definitely Indiana. The way none of their fans actually go to the game really screams out gameday enthusiasm.
11) Penn State, 2-1 (1-0). I can't prove this, but I'm pretty sure Penn State plays in that sneaky first conference game every year.
12) Nebraska, 1-2 (0-0). Losing to Miami in a game that would've been newsworthy two decades ago. How riveting.
13) Purdue, 1-2 (0-0). LOL purdue
Rutgers) Rutgers, 1-2 (0-1). QUICK. Close your eyes and guess the first school to lose a B1G game this year.
RANDOM MUSIC WE'RE DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
This song epitomizes how you should be living your life. Fucking chill style. (JQW)
I'm still warming up to Adams' 1989, but this one stood out to me for some reason. I like 'Shake It Off' for obvious reasons, but it didn't matter what he tried with that one because he wasn't outdoing the Swiftness.
MATCHUP TO WATCH
Stave's Ability To Put Up Heisman Numbers vs. The Pressure Of Being A Heisman Contender In A Night Game. I generally try to avoid the most obvious match up here, but this week we can't skate around the edges. No doubt this is a pivotal moment in the #StaveHeisman campaign. This is basically the debate, and we need Stave to be the definitive winner of the debate to make sure he's properly positioned for a stretch run. Doesn't matter if you're watching on Fox or CNN, I fully expect all the experts to be hailing Stave Saturday's big winner.
THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU
Today I wonder
How many syllables in
Joel Stave Heisman
YOUTUBE
I DID NOT KNOW PORCUPINES COULD MAKE THOSE NOISES. This changes EVERYTHING. I want a pet porcupine now to play with my hypothetical future dog. They'd be best friends and I could start a YouTube series and retire and just be happy.
PS - Someone say cupine?
PPS - I simply can't get enough of that video. Cupine steals the show so hard that Pork Loin, L-I-O-N is an afterthought. That's incredible.
I always thought the best way to deal with these lunatics was by standing next to them with a funny sign. Bagpipes? Genius.
PS - No one has ever heard a different song on the bagpipes than that song. That's the bagpipe song and I'll hear no argument.
Absolute witchcraft. Also, this guy was in Heist and a bunch of other movies/shows. That combination of skill and success seems rather unfair.
On principle alone I don't trust anyone who has a dashcam, but every once in a while we get something cool like a freaking airplane going through a green light like it's on its way to the grocery store. When that happens dashcams are kinda cool. Otherwise? Beyond creepy.
PS - Wanna know what it's like to be IN a plane that has to emergency land on a street?
Applauding after a plane lands is the dumbest thing ever, but I think I'd give a standing ovation if my pilot emergency landed that smoothly, AND parked it in a lot.
#FOODPORN
Just your run of the mill 60-day prime dry aged 38 oz. ribeye from RPM Steak. Look at that damn thing. There are probably steak purists out there that gasp at the sight of a steak sliced up like that (not proper resting position!), but when your'e sharing giant meat with others this is the way to go. And good god was this amazing. Perfect sear on the outside, a nice medium rare on the inside... literally no way you can make a better steak than that right there. Place is mad expensive, but I get why Obama shuts down River North to go there.
PS - I'm not a big seafood guy at all, but the waitress told us the coal-roasted king crab was the best thing on the menu, so I tried it. She was not wrong. That was the best piece of seafood I've ever had, and I don't think anything will ever top it.
#SKYPORN
Really cool time of the year when the sun rises and sets in line with the east/west streets in Chicago. Also, you haven't seen true nerd until you've gone somewhere to take a picture and walked up to 50 people with tripods and remote controls and crafty lenses and skinny jeans and bandanas. I felt so inadequate with an iPhone 6+.
PS - The 6+ is stupid and I don't care what you say. Walk around with that thing in your pocket and tell me you don't feel like an idiot. It's 9 feet tall and you need Brett Favre hands to grip the damn thing. I'm shocked no one yelled at me for blocking out the sun when I raised that honkey to the sky to take a pic.
PREDICTION CITY
At home, under the lights, against a crappy opponent? THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 47, ALO-HA-HE 13
***
ON WISCONSIN
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