at Nebraska

Not many people comment here on the blog. And I don't expect them to. But someone dropped a bomb of a comment last week and I feel like they deserve a full response. Take it away, J:

As a fellow Badger fan, and a recent fan of your blog... I have a question:

Do you actually like Chicago?

I do!

Allow me to explain. I grew up in Madison (,Wisconsin) and spent the formative years of my life in the 90's going to County Stadium for Brewers-Cubs games and hearing enormous roars when the 'Crew LOST. Damn. (Let it be known: the Brewers were terrible. To put it in perspective: Jeff Cirillo was once the only Brewer Allstar. Wow.) ANYWAY; I now, as an adult, still run into Chicago people wearing their Cubs hats to every social occasion (I saw one at a friend's wedding last year. I thought that Wisconsin is supposed to have the rednecks)

Given that I've seen a guy BYOWC (bring your own White Castle) to a nice wedding here in Chicago, I'm not going to disagree with you right there.

and tolerate their "Miller Park? You mean Wrigley Field North," comments, and I retort: The Brewers have been to more World Series during five Presidents than the Cubs have through five major world conflicts (WWI, WW2, Vietnam, Cold War, Iraq2). 

Other reasons I hate Chicago:

People are unusually fat and rude.

Is this a Wisconsin person calling Chicagoans fat? What the-

Contrast this with Wisconsites who are fat and polite.

Oh. Got it.

Ever hear of anyone complaining about how rude Packer fans are? No? What about Bears fans? I rest my case.

Agreed, Bears fans are terrible people.

Everyone I know who is from Chicago is a total dick. Therefore: it's impossible to make friends from Chicago.

Q.E.D.

Chicago is cold and miserable 11 out of 12 months of the year. Wait, is there a nice month in Chicago? September maybe?

Someone from Wisconsin complaining about the weather in Chicago hurts my brain.

More about Illinois in general, but: TOLLBOOTHS! And their highways aren't that spectacular. I honestly expect - for, what, $1.75 every 10 miles? - perfectly square highways and diamond-crested shoulders. 

WTF is a 'square' highway?

I was once in Chicago attending a Sonic Youth concert. I was in the front row at Union Park. SY was playing Daydream Nation front to back and people were FREAKING OUT. The fence got knocked down 3 times, people were getting crushed, everyone was soaked in a sticky ensemble of beer, sweat and marijuana crumbs.

MMMMMMMM MARIJUANA CRUMBS

It was awesome. And then some fucking douchebag in the front row had the audacity to turn around and (rudely - because Chicagoans know no other way) punch square in the nose a girl half his size because she wouldn't stop "bumping into him".  

Vis-à-vis, all Chicagoans beat women. And they don't beat them nicely. They beat them RUDELY.

-WTF #1: you don't hit girls. You hit their boyfriends. Everyone knows this.

LOGIC

-WTF #2: Why are you complaining about a hot, sweaty little blonde girl with a huge rack grinding on you at a concert? Just sayin', bro.

But what if she had MARIJUANA CRUMBS all over herself?

Reasons I love Chicago:

Outside of New York or Portland/Seattle, Chicago has the best music scene in the union. Can't deny that.

It's a beautiful looking city. And not just because it's on a major geographic landmark and has some wonderful lakefront parks, but also because it's a classically good looking city in general. Riding the L through downtown Chicago is truly an awesome experience, one that I'm glad I only experience once in a while.

Only in September.

As an aside, I currently live in Denver, Colorado - a beautiful city because it has the Rocky Mountain Range. If Denver didn't have mountains as a backdrop, it would be Albuquerque, New Mexico. 

Denver is cool because it has mountains, Alburquerque would be cool if it had mountains, and Chicago has fat, rude, redneck douchebags who punch women in the nose. Got it. Updating the Wikipedia pages as we speak.

Chicago has great food. And there is no where else in the world where you can get deep dish pizza. If you aren't in Chicago, don't even think about it.

Word.

Enjoy your blog lots! Keep it coming. GO BADGERS!

J

I'm being 100% serious and 0% sarcastic when I tell you that you're my new favorite reader. Hit me up next time you're in Chicago and we'll grab some pizza and punch some girls together. Call that a 'Tuesday' in the Chi.

---

WHO/WHERE/WHEN

TV: BTN

---

BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS

1) Wisconsin, 25-5 (12-5). I'm trying to not believe in jinxes. So I'm going to tell you that the last Wisconsin team to win 8 conference games in a row won the National Championship. Also, bout to bust out some hot new uniforms for the postseason:

I can dig.

2) Michigan, 22-7 (14-3). It kinda feels like we're heading towards a Michigan/UW rematch in the Big Ten Tournament, doesn't it? Both teams are hot, each won on the other guy's home floor... might as well settle it on Sunday on a neutral court for some hardware.

3) #Nebrasketball, 18-11 (10-7). I really like that #Nebrasketball is a formidable part of the Big Ten hoops landscape. I assumed when they joined the Big Ten that we'd just get to piss them off in football and clown on them in hoops. I had no idea that I'd be more worried about a basketball game in Lincoln than a football game.

4) Michigan State,  22-7 (11-5). How excited did I get to see this guy walking off the bus in front of me yesterday?

Pretty damn excited. I honestly don't even know what device he was carrying (some kind of collapsible bike?), but the overall GET MONEY outfit was really working for him. Kinda curious who he's wearing.

5) Iowa, 20-9 (9-7).  The bomb-sniffing dog at the Jackson Red Line stop is consistently the saddest looking hound in the game:

Why couldn't they give it a less menacing-looking muzzle? Poor dog sitting there with a steel cage around his snout. Every time I see him I want to pet him, but I think that's a big no-no and immediately gets me a billy club to the back of the skull. I was also really worried that if his handler saw me taking pics of the dog, he'd assume I was CASING THE JOINT and arrest me on terrorism suspicions.

6) Ohio State, 22-8 (9-8). No clue how they're gonna wrap up everything in the True Detective finale this Sunday. Last week's episode broke the mold of HBO dramas going nutso in the penultimate episode. Whole lotta exposition, not a whole lotta actual movement. But who am I kidding? This show has earned everyone's complete and unquestioned faith. It's been the best thing on TV since Game of Thrones ended last summer, and it's a damn shame that we only get eight episodes before McConaughey and Woody go back to being giant movie stars.

PS - If you still think Rust or Marty are the Yellow King then this show is probably a little too much for you to handle.

PPS - Key takeaway from True Detective:

And not only is she a total smokeshow - she's a genius:

PPPS - With that said, I'm still taking Emilia over Daddario any day and twice on Sundays. Obama's seen her boobs, too. So that really eliminates Daddario's big advantage of having the Presidential Seal of Boob Approval.

7) Illinois, 17-13 (6-11). Weekly Adorable Animal GIFs, SLEEPING JIMMY LEGS EDITION:

Breaking my 'no cats' rule, but come on. It looks like it's playing the bongos in its sleep!

8) Minnesota, 18-12 (7-10). Is it just me, or has Minnesota been bad at everything for a long time now? You might think I'm bullshitting, but that kinda saddens me. I'd rather they be good and still lose to us to maintain some sort of importance in this rivalry. Michigan/OSU/MSU will never look at us as a true rival, so we kinda need Minnesota to figure its shit out in hoops and football.

#DeadWeightRival

9) Penn State, 14-15 (5-11). I'll take this opportunity to remind you that Potbelly has chicken enchilada soup today and it's worth seeking out. That is how little I have to say about Penn State basketball.

10) Indiana, 17-13 (7-10).  What do you do when your team's stadium is openly trying to kill? YOU PREPARE FOR BATTLE:

The IU Athletic Department missed a GOLDEN opportunity. They could've been selling IU-branded construction helmets for $30 a pop. Was it too obvious of an idea?

11) Northwestern, 12-17 (5-11). One last Harry Potter note - was Rowling serious with this usage?

I'm sure parents everywhere were excited at the prospects of explaining the various definitions of the word 'pregnant' to their children.

12) Purdue, 15-15 (5-12). It offends me that THIS is the school that has given Bo Ryan more trouble than anyone else. Garbage.

---

RANDOM MUSIC WE'RE DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK

Rick Ross' album just leaked, and while it's mostly garbage, we do at least get a bumpin new minute-long Kanye verse starting at the 1:13 mark. (@DannyGoldin)

Every Real Esate song sounds like similiar and this one is no exception. It's also not a bad thing, quite the opposite. You would have to hate music to dislike RE. This ones off of their newly released third LP. (JQW)

One time I had this app idea. Basically, the premise of my idea was that I would watch ANY video on YouTube with at least 10 million views. I don't care what it's about. If it had 10 million views, I'd be more than willing to give it a watch. And my app was gonna be the YouTube app pretty much, except it would only show you videos that had a minimum of 10 million views. I thought and still do think this is brilliant.

ANYWAY, one of my roommates recommended a different song by these guys, but I saw this one had 5+ million views and BOOM, I'm going to listen. The Minimum Listens Threshold on Spotify is significantly lower than on YouTube. I think it's probably about 1 million listens on Spotify to make me take the time to give it a spin. 5 million listens and I don't care who it's by or what it's called, I'm down. Unless it's deep dubstep trap house music, in which case I'm the old man who wants nothing to do with that trash.

---

THIS WEEK'S GAMES IN HAIKU

Time for Nebraska

Last game before it's off to

One-and-done city

---

YOUTUBE

Last week we had the story of Tinney, the sweetest old lady in the world. It may or may not have brought a tear to my eye. This week, I give you the homeless lottery winner. And it may or may not have brought multiple tears to my eyes. IDK if this is a good thing or a bad thing that I keep finding emotionally loaded and satisfying videos every week. But I'm on a real hot streak, so I should probably keep going.

PS - Just started losing it when he broke down in the store. Goddamnit. Beautiful.

Oh man. This was AWESOME. Behind the scenes footage in the TV truck from Cuba Gooding Jr.'s 1996 Oscar acceptance speech. I'm fucking EXHAUSTED after watching that director do his thing. If he's not the most ELITE camera director in the game, then I don't even know what do with my life anymore.

I watched this 5 minutes ago and my heart is still racing. It's just so incredible that he called for the 'shut up and get off the stage' music and then he got absurdly excited when Cuba kept going. That's called meeting the moment, which is a phrase I just came up with and I already LOVE IT. MEET THE MOMENT

PS - 

FIRST commercial break? Holy hell, he must have kept this up for hours and hours. He kinda reminds me of Ed Harris being the NASA Flight Director in Apollo 13:

Different brand of enthusiasm, but decked out in white with a silly vest sitting at their own versions of Mission Control.

If it were up to me, I'd spend an entire Preview breaking down this video.

PPS - Scale of 1-10, how mad am I?

I'm about a 17. Clif Bar just met the moment right in my face.

I think this cop bit off a little more than he could chew.

I haven't been in a pillow fight in YEARS. I think the last one I was in was up at the camp I went to. Not only was I bigger and stronger than the campers I was destroying, but I had a down feather pillow. If you've never been in a pillow fight with a person with a down pillow, let me explain something to you: if you grab the pillow in the corner and give it a few swings, alllllll the little feathers bunch up at the other end. Congratulations. You no longer have a pillow. You have a motherfucking WRECKKKKKING BALLLLLL (click this). I'm not gonna say this was the safest thing I ever did as a counselor. I'm not gonna say all the kids could've passed concussion tests. I'm just going to say that beating the crap out of people with a pillow is IMMENSELY satisfying, regardless of age.

PS - Didn't know Chatroulette was still a thing and didn't know there were actual attractive girls on there. These facts are both blowing my mind.

PPS - My all-time favorite Chatroulette videos, not counting this guy's killer Wrecking Ball performance:

1) Guy named Merton improvs on the piano:

2) Ben Folds pays tribute by doing the same thing at a live concert:

PPPS - They look identical and if they're the same people then I've just been conned for my entire life and I'm deleting YouTube and burning Chatroulette to the ground.

---

#FOODPORN

The wings at Points East in Milwaukee do not fuck around. Fried and then grilled, they are about as good as any wings you're gonna find out there. In fact, if you DO know of better wings, please let me know. I'm always leery of wing places that only offer one sauce/flavor, but if that sauce is banging then I don't really care.

Also, little bit of #drinkporn there. Sometimes you know you need water, but they have Spotted Cow on tap and nothing would taste better than a Coke so you get all three and worry the repercussions later. Ironclad logic.

PS - Best wings in Chicago:

1) Duke's. The KING in the 'one sauce only' game. Giant wings. Top shelf ranch. Don't go here unless you like your wings drenched in the best sauce money can buy and humans can make.

2) Bird's Nest. Only place in the world where the teriyaki might be better than the standard buffalo. Bonus points for cheap High Life and a dependable dart board. Double bonus points for a TouchTunes machine that's taken more money from me than the GDP of Bosnia. I think I'm single-handedly keeping TouchTunes in business.

3) Buff Joe's. Litrally the only reason to spend more than 9 seconds in Evanston, and yeah the wings are much smaller than most other places... but their sauce is bomber and the hotter flavors come with the world's greatest jalapeños.

TBD: I'm still dying to try the wings at Jake Melnick's, and I feel like Timothy O'Toole's wins every award at Wingfest. So I'm not hating on those places - just haven't gotten around to trying them yet. SOON

---

#SKYPORN

Nothing like a little #skyporn from our nation's capital. I'm a little surprised NatGeo ran this pic given how overly-filtered it is, but I think the COMPOSITION really makes it worthwhile.

And when the hell is that scaffolding coming down from the Washington Monument already? When I went to D.C. in May, I was super pumped for my view as my plane came in for its landing, only to see it under construction:

FIX OUR NATIONAL PHALLIC PRIDE

(via)

---

CTA #ELTIQUETTE - SEATING HIERARCHY

It's worrisome that this even has to be a topic of discussion. I would think that any adult capable of purchasing a CTA pass and getting on the correct train or bus would have enough brainpower to understand when to sit and when to yield their seat. But every freaking day on the CTA I see people violating this basic hierarchy. This is for them.

1) The disabled. I don't even know what else has to be said.

2) Pregnant women. This may shock you, but I have little-to-no experience being pregnant. HOWEVER, I'm going to take a leap here and assume that standing on your feet for an extended period of time while carrying another HUMAN inside your gullet (technical medical term) is awful. There's no way that feels good. I've seen super old guys give up their seats to preggers before, and all I do is smile and nod. That's how it should be.

3) The parent/little kid combo. These are some of the bravest people in the world, and they get more sympathetic treatment than anything else. Doing public transportation with a small child does not seem like an activity I would enjoy, so out of respect for the misery they're experiencing, they should get a seat. Added bonus because the old woman on the train usually loves playing peekaboo with the kid sitting in the seat more than she enjoys sitting down to read her stories. And old people LOVE reading their stories.

4) The REAL elderly. Big difference here between older people and the elderly. The elderly wear those ridiculous, over-sized fur coats and the goofy British golfer hats. Older people are playing Candy Crush and going to racquetball lessons. The former get my seat. The latter suck because I can't stand anyone who plays Candy Crush.

After that, there are several factors at play. If you're a guy, it depends on how chivalrous you are. That's really the only reason to give your seat up to the twenty-something girl in Lululemon who is obviously physically capable of standing if she's coming from her nightly Sculpt class at FFC. Personally, I always just stand because it avoids the awkwardness of offering up your seat to someone who turns you down, and you don't have to worry about sitting in a homeless person's urine. WIN WIN

Not Rated: Homeless people. All bets are off.

PS - If you ever see a pregnant old woman on crutches with her grandchild, then she gets the entire bus or train to herself. That's just common sense.

PPS - If you sit in one seat and put your stuff in the seat next to you and don't even make an attempt to move it for a person who is standing, then you are a monster who should be excommunicated from society.

---

PREDICTION CITY

Oddly enough, even with Michigan locked in as B1G champs, this game still has some SERIOUS implications. #Nebrasketball is fighting for their tournament lives, while Wisconsin is battling hard to grab a 1 seed. A very small part of me will be okay with UW losing if it means #Nebrasketball goes dancing before Northwestern does. Such a slap right in their nerd faces.

But I'd rather just see us win, win the BTT, and grab that elusive 1 seed en route to our first National Championship since the World War II era. SOUNDS FUN. THE PICK:

WISCONSIN 72, #NEBRASKETBALL 71

ON WISCONSIN