Thursday, February 19, 2015

Minnesota and at #16 Maryland

It's just a beautiful thing.

I could watch this team every day for the rest of my life and never get bored. That Penn State game started out as straight fire - 8/10 from the field, Penn State struggling to score, cruise control on the verge of being enabled. But then things slowed down. We started missing shots - easy shots. Penn State was tossing up junk that was finding the bottom of the net. And the end result was a familiar one as the team headed to the airport with another road win in their pocket. I suppose that would be their collective pocket. One giant pocket filled with road wins! ELITE POCKET

9 straight B1G wins. 24-2. #1 offense in the country with the best player in the country leading the charge. Clinching at least a share of the conference title can happen as early as this weekend.

Believe it or not, we're less than a month away from Selection Sunday. Time flies when you're having fun, and nothing is more fun than winning. My advice has not and will not change: enjoy every fucking second of this team. You will not see a better one in Madison. Not any time soon.

CHICAGO BADGERS: Heading up to Madison on Friday. Cannot wait. Do your thing.

SPAM ALERT: Apparently if you put a million pictures in your email, everybody's spam filter catches it and ERRONEOUSLY marks it as spam. If you don't see anything from me by Friday, check your spam folder. Also, when you drag it to your inbox (YOU BETTER DRAG IT TO YOUR INBOX), make sure you select to do that action with all future mail from the sender. I AM NOT SPAM





1) Wisconsin, 24-2 (12-1). Move along, nothing to see here.

2) Purdue, 17-9 (9-4). I'm still buying Purdue stock.

3) Maryland, 21-5 (9-4). WE COMIN' 4 U.

4) Michigan State, 18-8 (9-4). I'll admit: I'm not a big beagle fan. BUT I'm comfortable admitting that Miss P was a damn fine looking hound:

I WANT THOSE PAWS. So yeah, that's fine that another year passed without a #BigDog winning the title. I've realized that any dreams I have of seeing Nathan the Bloodhound win are never going to be realized:

I know they'll NEVER let a dalmatian walk away with a ribbon the size of an old wooden ship from the Civil War era. We #BigDog fans will just have to live our lives knowing the Westminster show is really a competition for small dogs that #BigDogs are given floor seats to. That's okay. Small dogs deserve at least one week in the year where they're almost kind of as cool as #BigDogs.

PS - 'Retiring to motherhood' is dog slang for spending the rest of her life in Bone Town. I'm surprised more athletes don't win like 4 championships and then just retire and MATE for the rest of their lives. Peak retirement status.

PPS - Oh my god, the pressure that whatever man-beagle that canoodles with her is going to face... he better have a few drinks before he gets down to it.

5) Ohio State, 19-7 (8-5). It's freaking crazy that schools closed because it was really cold today. I just don't get it. Are they ONLY closed because there exists a minute possibility that a bus will break down in some desolate location, leaving children trapped without heat? It's such garbage. Boo freaking hoo, it's cold out, hello, we live in Chicago and from time to time it gets really cold here. None of this came out of nowhere. Prepare yourself and suck it up.

PS - Silver lining, gym was empty and Chipotle had no line. I can dig that.

6) Illinois, 17-9 (7-6). In that first half, I thought Illinois defended us as well as any team I've seen. They were contesting shots, cutting off the baseline on drives, rotating well, etc. It was very impressive.

We won by 19. Say it with me now: Enjoy. The. Ride.

7) Indiana, 18-8 (8-5). WE CAN STILL DO THIS. We can still miss the tourney! I BELIEVE.

8) Penn State, 15-12 (3-11). I'd like to meet the people that select the passages for the reading section on the ACT. This was the first passage on the practice test we looked at earlier this week:

So you have a bunch of nervous teenagers taking an important test, and you decide to give them a story framed around a mother losing her child when it was a baby. And that woman lives with HER mother - who happens to be battling cancer. And then you casually drop a Nazi analogy? Why the fuck is this on the test? Could they not find a more upbeat story to have these kids read and think about? Nope, the reading section on this test covers 4 main concepts: reading comprehension, child abandonment, cancer and its effect on the family structure, and Nazi analogies. I think racism and genocide were dealt with in the second passage.

PS - The time limits on the ACT are absolute bullshit. You get 35 minutes to read 4 passages and answer 10 questions about each of them. I'm hard-pressed to fully read the passages and answer all the questions in time. I'm 29 years old and probably of above average intelligence. These kids are fighting an uphill battle for no reason whatsoever. Standardized tests got me into Madison but they're the damn devil.

9) Michigan, 13-13 (6-8). #NeverForget

10) Nebraska, 13-12 (5-8). I am positively shocked that a team full of chuckers is 323rd in the nation in assists per game. I'm going to assume every assist by a Nebraska player is an air ball shot attempt that a different player caught and laid in. They do this 10 times a game.

11) Iowa, 15-10 (6-6). Early B1G Award Predictions:
  • Player of the Year: FRANK
  • Coach of the Year: BO
  • Sixth Man of the Year: DON'T CARE
  • Freshman of the Year: DON'T CARE
  • Offense of the Century: WISCONSIN
  • Surprise of the Year: Fran not having a full-on meltdown and punching himself in the face to calm down
12) Rutgers, 10-16 (2-11). I am LOVING the pizza chain CRUST ESCALATION. First we got stuffed crusts, then we got pretzel crusts, after that we got flavor enhanced crusts, and now Little Ceezy's is dropping BACON CRUST:

GENIUS. I like that they sprinkle the pizza with extra bacon. Balances the crust : pizza bacon ratio out very nicely.

PS - I learned last night that one slice of that pizza is 450 calories. You know what else I learned last night? The average Chipotle order is over 1,000 calories. That means you could have two slices of BACON WRAPPED PEPPERONI BACON PIZZA and get fewer calories than your meal at Chipotle. IPSO FACTO, Little Ceezy's is healthier than Chipotle. Chew on that for a minute.

13) Northwestern, 12-14 (3-10). Perhaps they actually are turning that proverbial corner nah I still don't believe. They'll be terrible forever and ever.

14) Minnesota, 16-11 (5-9). I'm sure they're going to give us a game - especially coming off their embarrassing loss to Northwestern. But this team is simply not very good. And that's about the nicest thing I can say about them.


THEE song to put on when you bring pretty a ladyfriend back home from the bars. Gets em in the mood every time (JQW)

I don't really have a clue what this song is about. All I know is that it's catchy as fuck, and that both Tinashe and Charli XCX are 2 of the best vocalists in the business right now. (@DannyGoldin)

Talk to any kid about music and, inevitably, they lament that there aren't really any great Bob Dylan/Don Henley hybrid bands around.

"Conner," I tell him, "I share your love for 1970s folk rock and I'm glad to tell you that I have made a discovery."

Once the needle drops on the vinyl I see their faces register the truth of my statement. The War on Drugs' Lost in the Dream is the sort of dreamy rock music that I can never find enough of.

"Conner...who is this man and why is he in our house?" the parents often ask next. That is when I make my run for it. (Azzgunther)


Sam Dekker's Continued Assault on the World vs. The World

This has been the best stretch of Dekker's career. It's not even close. He's playing aggressively, attacking the boards, getting to the line, and becoming more of a presence on the defensive end. When Sam's playing like this, the team becomes EXTREMELY difficult to beat. We've reached the point where we can expect Frank to be Frank. We know Nigel is consistent and impactful. BK and Gasser will hit their jumpers more often than not (hopefully). But Dekker has become this team's X-Factor. When he's assertive, the whole team feeds off it. When he disappears or just hangs out on the perimeter, the offense slows down in a hurry.

I believe it was Andy Dufresne that said:
"Aggressive Dekker is a good thing. Maybe the best of things. And no good thing ever dies and/or leaves college after their junior year unless they win a National Championship and even then they totally should stick around for their senior year to lead the team and graduate and cement their state legend status."
That's goddamn right.


I hate the Gophers

I also don't like haikus

But I like tenders

Terps second best team?

I think we'll find out next week

Should be a fun one


I know what you're thinking: 'Ugh, the #Swiftness was TERRIBLE ON that SNL40 show!' I can't say that I disagree. But that entire sketch was something truly awful. Is 'The Californians' a recurring bit they do? Because they should murder that entire premise and never look back. I attribute 0% of the terribleness of that performance to the #Swiftness. Everyone knows she's borderline perfect and drips talent.

PS - Did you catch this look after she sat back down?

COLD AS ICE. That's the look of one baddddd bitch right there. Love it.

PPS - I walked into a bar on #SecondSaturday with a bunch of co-workers and told them all I wanted right then at that very moment was to hear 'Shake It Off'. Literally 3 seconds after I finished that sentence it came on. Now I need the #Swiftness to tweet something about Wisconsin basketball so I can justify adding her to #SpiritAnimalMountRushmore

PPPS - SNL40 was pretty awesome. Even if some of the sketches dragged on or fell a little flat, it was still fantastic seeing all the old stars come back and do their characters. Miley sounded INCREDIBLE. Celebrity Jeopardy was everything it needed to be. All around, highly enjoyable content.

4xPS - A million dollars to the person who gets full footage of #Swiftness, Fallon, and Paul McCartney doing 'Shake It Off' at the after show party.

I continue to be a sucker for a good proposal video. Guy even remembered to start the video in landscape mode. What a pro.

These guys learned an important lesson: don't start playing a super popular song and expect the crowd to stop singing when you stop playing. The drummer's reaction really said it all:

PS - Did you catch that little look between the guitarists?

"Hey man, you got the solo?"

"I got this"

*rips entire solo note for note*

That kinda shit only happens when you play a ton of music with the same people over and over. Those little looks and nods that somehow communicate any of the following:
  • "You got this part?"
  • "I got this part."
  • "Cut it right here."
  • "Run that back one more time."
  • "No, no, it's a G# and then an E."
  • "Turn your amp down a little."
  • "Slow it down here."
Essentially the exact same look/nod is capable of communicating ALL of those things when you're jamming. Music is pretty fun.

Like a little kid with bubbles, this guy makes me wish I loved ANYTHING as much as he loves THUNDERSNOW. Ironically, I fucking LOVE thundersnow! I will not link to the video I took where I started giggling like a child when I caught some #THUNDERSNOW on camera. That shit is magical and not to be underappreciated.


TORTILLA ESPAÑOLA. A DELICACY. It's really just an omelette with potatoes and onions in it, but I had it for the first time when I was in Spain in high school and have been CRAVING it ever since. Fortunately a friend of mine cooked this sucker up and it was everythin I hoped it would be. More places around Chicago should offer this as like a brunch dish. HEY, HUTCH. You're close to my apartment and you have solid brunch. You should make LA TORTILLA ESPAÑOLA DEL HUTCHO and add it to the brunch menu. I'd get that shit weekly.


This is an awesome picture. It's well-framed. It's during a little #goldenhour. It's got that old school 'W' banner up front. It adheres to the mighty RULE OF THIRDS. I can't imagine many other schools have better Instagram feeds than UW. As a social media whore, that makes me very proud.









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