Not much else you can ask for. I mean, sure, Coan could've hit those bombs to Q. Nelson could've been out of the game when it was blowout city. Taylor could've had 300 more rushing yards to really feed the Heisman campaign.
But a 49-0 win on the road against an actual opponent is a damn near perfect season opener. Summer is hanging around to its final breath, football is fully upon us, and Camp Randall is ready to shake off the rust.
Let's all enjoy the calm before the storm. Go outside and drink a beer with your friends.
But a 49-0 win on the road against an actual opponent is a damn near perfect season opener. Summer is hanging around to its final breath, football is fully upon us, and Camp Randall is ready to shake off the rust.
Let's all enjoy the calm before the storm. Go outside and drink a beer with your friends.
WHO/WHERE/WHEN
TV: BTN
WEATHER: LOW 70's WITH ONLY A MINOR CHANCE OF SUNBURN
RANDOM MUSIC WE'RE DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
Who does a modern power ballad better than the Darkness? Nobody. The answer is nobody. And hopefully this is a sign that they're upcoming album will be worth listening to. Permission to Land remains perfect, but it's a steady decline from there.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1. Ohio State, 1-0 (0-0). Until further notice, they comfortably remain the top dog. Until further notice.
2. Wisconsin, 1-0 (0-0). 🚨NEW BAND DIRECTOR UPDATE 🚨
PS - Hey Doc Pompey, word of advice: ignore all the old people at the game that wouldn't recognize Mr. Brightside if Brandon Flowers hit them over the head with a guitar. This is the most I've cared about a marching band in decades. I'm not alone.
PPS - Doctor Pompey, breathe him in:
3. Michigan, 1-0 (0-0). Is there anything more consistent in sports than the insufferability of Michigan fans? If 'insufferability' isn't a word then it should be added to the dictionary with tik tok and whatever else the kids are saying this year.
4. Iowa, 1-0, (0-0). I'm taking my first ever trip to New York next weekend and I am all ears for what I should eat, drink and do. Send me your recommendations and let me feast. The diet is taking a week off. That chicken parm pizza? In. My. FACEHOLE.
5. Michigan State, 1-0, (0-0). A $4.5 million fine for institutionalized sexual abuse. Kinda makes fining YouTube $170 million look less pathetic.
6. Penn State, 1-0 (0-0). OVERRATED: bug spray. It smells gross, it feels gross, and one could fairly question whether it actually works. I HATE it. I've sold my soul to not be a mosquito magnet. Toughen up.
PS - add this to my list of dumbest takes, right up there with anything I said about Hornibrook.
7. Minnesota, 1-0, (0-0). Summer isn't technically over until MuskyFest has its day in the sun. Should be another good time this Saturday:
8. Nebraska, 1-0, (0-0). Still think these guys are buttcheeks.
9. Maryland, 1-0 (0-0). UNDERRATED: Korean food. It definitely lags behind Chinese and Japanese food in the holy trinity of Asian cuisines, but that's a mistake. Bulgogi? Unmatched. Korean chicken wings? Gimme those. Bibimbap? Yes, let's incorporate more fried eggs into our daily food consumption. Not to mention how fun things get when we add a Mexican twist for some Korean-Mexican FUSION.
Fusions, RANKED:
- Korean-Mexican fusion cuisine. Bulgogi tacos, end of story.
- Cold fusion. So cool it's not even possible, and I'm actually 100% sure I have 0% idea what cold fusion means.
- Ford Fusion. Big drop off from cold fusion and bulgogi burrito bowls.
- VMware Fusion. As a Mac user, the mere thought of having to use a virtual machine for some PC-specific application makes me weak.
11. Northwestern, 0-1, (0-0). Do I have a little extra pep in my step watching Northwestern lose their opener after shouting out their overratedness a week ago? I do! Look at me strut! I've got pep!
12. Indiana, 1-0 (0-0). I think we should have a mandatory reminder here that the Bears traded up to take Trubisky over Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. That's gonna age like whatever the opposite of a fine wine is... like a bottle of chocolate milk you forgot under your bed and discovered 3 years later!
14. Rutgers, 1-0 (0-0). Still looking for that change.org petition to remove these clowns from the B1G.
THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU
Central Michigan
Nope. Not Eastern or Western
CENTRAL Michigan
YOUTUBE
GOBBLE WHISPERER. This is a talent that seems exploitable. This is also as dumb and great as life gets.
The first time I watched this I thought they were sitting at the front, and I was QUITE confused on where the phone even came from. But what the hell how did he even catch this while going like 60 mph:
In no galaxy should that phone stay in his hand. If he was standing still and you tossed it underhand from 3 feet away, the average person would drop that 11 times out of 10. The Raiders should sign this guy. TOPICAL
Oh do I love a happy-go-lucky song shifted into a minor key. Basically the flip side of taking a sad song and pushing it into a major key.
#FOODPORN
#SKYPORN
PREDICTION CITY
Snack on a cupcake, rest up, bring on Michigan. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 66, Middle Michigan 0
***
ON WISCONSIN
Great stuff...
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