Well that went pretty much as expected, didn't it? MSU flexed their muscles and showed us why they're currently the best team in the conference, followed by Bo and company taking care of business back in Madison against Penn State. Yeah, the MSU loss was a little uglier than we'd like, but you really don't need to read into it that much. Tough opponent + on the road + shots not falling = ugly loss 100 times out of 100.
What WAS encouraging, however, was the shooting performance in the Kohl Center on Sunday. As a team, the Badgers went 11-22 from downtown (THAT'S 50%). I don't have these numbers in front of me, and doing research isn't in the cards right now, but I'd wager that we have a very, VERY good record under Bo when the team shoots at least 50% from three. I might even go as far as saying that if we can do that Sunday in Columbus, we'll have a chance at stealing a ridiculously large road win from a top 10 team. Using some very advanced statistical analysis that I can't explain to you, I give us a 5% chance of doing that.
CRAZY HISTORICAL NOTE BEFORE WE BEGIN
Wisconsin vs. Iowa All-Time Football Record: 42-42-2
Wisconsin vs. Iowa All-Time Basketball Record: 77-77
That's absolutely INSANE. I don't know what the odds of this happening are, and the F if I wanna play the probability games and figure it out right now. But let's just safely assume that this is the most amazing stat in the history of the world, and therefore the game tonight is the most important game in college hoops HISTORY. Remember where you were when The Great Wisconsin/Iowa Tie ended.
WHO/WHERE/WHEN
What WAS encouraging, however, was the shooting performance in the Kohl Center on Sunday. As a team, the Badgers went 11-22 from downtown (THAT'S 50%). I don't have these numbers in front of me, and doing research isn't in the cards right now, but I'd wager that we have a very, VERY good record under Bo when the team shoots at least 50% from three. I might even go as far as saying that if we can do that Sunday in Columbus, we'll have a chance at stealing a ridiculously large road win from a top 10 team. Using some very advanced statistical analysis that I can't explain to you, I give us a 5% chance of doing that.
CRAZY HISTORICAL NOTE BEFORE WE BEGIN
Wisconsin vs. Iowa All-Time Football Record: 42-42-2
Wisconsin vs. Iowa All-Time Basketball Record: 77-77
That's absolutely INSANE. I don't know what the odds of this happening are, and the F if I wanna play the probability games and figure it out right now. But let's just safely assume that this is the most amazing stat in the history of the world, and therefore the game tonight is the most important game in college hoops HISTORY. Remember where you were when The Great Wisconsin/Iowa Tie ended.
WHO/WHERE/WHEN
TV: ESPN2
TV: CBS
B1G STANDINGS (THROUGH 2/22/12)
PLAYERS TO WATCH
WISCONSIN: JARED BERGGREN, OSU: SLICK WILLIE BUFORD
If we're just being honest here (when are we not?), Berggren really frustrates me. All you ever hear about is how sneaky-athletic he is (30"+ vertical), and yet when I watch him maneuver (underrated goofy word, really messing with my brain right now) in the post I feel like he completely forgets that he IS athletic. He's always hunched over, and when he finally DOES make that power move to the hoop, he can't finish. UGH. Like I said, very, very frustrating. And this doesn't even mention the fact that he falls in LOVE with the three pointer during stretches where we're desperately in need of an inside presence. YOU = BIG MAN. GET DOWN LOW AND BANG.
PS - If he plays soft D on Sullinger this Sunday, he'll be right back on the bench like he was down the stretch of the last OSU game. I know Sully's a big boy, but you gotta man up against him and make him earn everything. Evans and Bruiser did respectable jobs at that. Berggren needs to do it this time, though.
Is it almost cliche at this point to say that OSU lives and dies by Buford's performance? It isn't? Good! Because it's the damn truth, and I have EVIDENCE:
Pretty telling, that is. In OSU's win over Illinois Tuesday night, Buford casually poured in 17 points on 7-9 shooting in an blowout win. If Bucky wants ANY chance of swindling a win in C-Bus this weekend, Ryan Evans and the rest of the squad are gonna HAVE to frustrate Buford into a rough game. True, they did that when OSU came to Madison 3 weeks ago (4-15, 11 points), but Buford was the one who delivered the dagger when he drilled a huge 3 to push it to a 4 point game late. Despite his up and down season, I am more than kinda excited for him to graduate and never play in a Big Ten game again. That guy is good.
RANDOM MUSIC I'M DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
Foreigner - Juke Box Hero
I'm pretty sure the only reason I ever downloaded this song was just because of its appearance in Wet Hot American Summer. I'm also pretty sure that the only reason I'm using this song this week is because it gives me an excuse to mention how excited I am about a WHAS prequel. Or maybe it's a sequel - I'm still pretty confused by that. But it sounds like everyone is back and ready to rock, which makes me happy.
Bob Marley - Could You Be Loved
I'm not sure I've ever heard a person say something negative about Bob Marley? I don't think it's even possible to hate on Bob. RELATED: Is Marley the most famous 'Bob' in the world? Other possibilities:
PS - I did a little googling and this was the first site I came across:
Holy crap. I don't know what's more surprising: That the site is still under construction, or that they went with Tripod over Geocities? Also:
I think the Bob that made this website should add himself to the list, because he is a GENIUS.
Alkaline Trio - Nose Over Tail
Crack my head open, on your kitchen floor
To prove to you that I have brains
Always weirdly enjoyed that line, and it's just a fun song to rock out to.
Air Force Fight Song
DISCLAIMER: I'm a fight song whore. I LOVE fight songs. And it just seems appropriate that the badasses in the Air Force have one of the best fight songs in the country:
We live in fame or go down in flame
Oh nothing'll stop the U.S. Air Force
So intense.
PS - If you're a fan of a Big Ten school, there's roughly an 80% chance I know every word to your fight song. Buy me a drink or two and maybe I'll sing it for you. MAYBE.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES IN HAIKU
Revenge? Bo says 'no'
Make some shots, get a big win
We lost to these guys?
Then off to C-Bus
Do we end their title hopes?
That would help Izzo...
(GROSS)
YOUTUBE
This is, quite litrally, the worse basketball sequence I've ever seen. At any level, and in any country.
A few things about this one:
- Playing it cool almost makes it worth happening in the first place Well done, Bates.
- My face would be ELECTRIC red if this happened. I've developed situational rosacea (can't BELIEVE I spelled that correctly on the first try. Thank you very much Aaron Craft) in the last few years where when I'm put on the spot, my face lights up like a stop light. It's BULLSHIT.
- I would definitely have a conspiracy theory if this happened to me. I've seen the Jackass episode when Bam rigs Phil's chair to collapse enough time to know how easy this would be.
Like every video I ever watch on the internet, I have to wonder if this guy knocking himself out in a kickboxing match is real. I hope it is, and I hope his friends and family had this reaction.
WHY CM PUNK IS THE GREATEST CHICAGO ATHLETE IN THE WORLD
It's not enough that he's easily my favorite current wrastler. It's not even that he's done promotions with Ian's in Wrigleyville. Nope. I love CM Punk right now because he went HARD at Chris Brown. Watch for yourself. For a professional wrastler/entertainer, Punk is surprisingly well-spoken and insightful. And logical. And he would absolutely DESTROY Chris Brown in the ring. We're already planning on buying Wrastlemania (The Undertaker vs. HHH? Cena vs. The Rock? Punk vs. Jericho? YES YES YES), but I feel confident in saying we'd spend a couple hundred bucks on it if Punk was getting in the squared circle with Chris Brown. I like to think that every woman in the world would watch that just to get the satisfaction of watching him get his ass handed to him.
PS - Love CM Punk. I hope he DISMANTLES Jericho. Make him submit with a Liontamer and END that pompous geezer's career.
PPS - Give me The Undertaker over HHH every day and twice on Sundays. He's a legend and I love the dead man. HELL IN A CELL, OH YEAH.
IF URBAN MEYER IS TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS IN THE B1G, HE'S DOING AN AWESOME JOB
I know it's hoops season, but I can't resist bringing this up. Check out the sign in the OSU athletic center comparing the majors of OSU and Michigan* football players:
That's outrageous. Is a communication degree or a 'family resource management' degree from OSU really that much better than a general studies degree from Michigan? WAIT. What the fuck is a family resource management degree? How to live your life as an adult? Because there are 24 communication/FAMILY RESOURCE MANAGEMENT majors on the OSU team, and 24 general studies majors on Michigan.
This is the type of shit I hate seeing in the Big Ten. Why do you have to put other schools down to make yourself look better? Can't you just be proud of what you've got going for you? I understand that hating on Michigan is always fun, but I'm an immature idiot with a blog, not a full-grown adult man with a family and job. It's just like political ads that spend ALL of their time trashing the opponent. You can keep on being Kane and trying to embrace the hate, but I'm gonna go with Cena and say RISE ABOVE HATE.
*Whenever I type 'Michigan' I really wanna type 'Mishigan'. Also, I'd rather live in Bosnia than be a Michigan fan. Which may be misleading, since Bosnia is DEFINITELY my favorite third-world country. I just don't get why they couldn't get along with Herzegovina. Someone please organize Beer Olympics so I can win gold with the BosnianHerzegovinans.
RANDOM PICTURES THAT MADE ME LAUGH THIS WEEK
I mean that's about as accurate as accurate gets.
PS - Still the best:
FOOD PORN
Garlic chicken from Steve's Deli. I have no idea how you get a chicken breast that large. Is it pounded thin or something? NOT PICTURED: Roasted potatoes that came hidden under the gargantuan piece of chicken. If we ever have a potluck at work, my partner in crime and I get a huge pan of those roasted potatoes. They're ALWAYS a huge hit. If you work/live in River North, I highly recommend this place. Delicious food.
SKY PORN - MOUNTAIN EDITION
PS - The first time I went skiing in jeans I felt like the world's biggest badass. NO PUFFY KIDS SNOWPANTS FOR THIS GUY.
PPS - My only near-death experience happened at Steamboat many years ago. We went up during an absolute blizzard (because skiing in a blizzard just sounds amazing - no sarcasm). There was one part where you came around a corner and then had to kinda side swindle your way up a little hill to get on the next route. Well, because of the blizzard/terrible visibility, I missed the sign telling you to do that and kept going forward. Next thing I know, my parents are shouting at me, I stop, look down, and the tips of my skis are hanging over the edge of a cliff. WTF. I remember thinking that it seemed far too easy to almost kill yourself in that situation.
32 YEARS AGO, THE BEST THING EVER HAPPENED
I'm talking about this:
I actually wrote about this before, and not much has changed in my opinion of The Miracle:
Enough with the 'preventing disasters' list - this is the one truly awesome thing I wish I could have seen with my own eyes. If you don't know what I'm talking about by now, you're either a) clueless, b) foreign, or c) a clueless foreigner. And since I know how many clueless foreigners I have on this list, let me fill in the blanks: USA/Soviet Union (yeah, before they turned into a bunch of Russian losers) Medal Round Olympic Hockey. The Soviets were pretty much the best team ever. It was like a team of 20 Wayne Gretzky's with NHL 10 Roberto Luongo in net (I fucking hate NHL 10 Luongo). The Americans? A bunch of baby faced college kids, most of which hated each other because of their regional/collegiate rivalries. Led by Herb Brooks, the Americans began making moves and winning improbably all the way to the medal round, where those dirty commie bastards awaited them. Well, the rest is history. If you don't get goosebumps EVERY TIME you watch that video, I question whether or not you're a zombie. It's the best moment in sports history. It was the most symbolic sporting event ever. It was probably the biggest upset of all-time. And it was a bunch of American kids doing it on home ice against the anonymously evil superpower from the Soviet Union. I'm sorry, but I just can't imagine what it would be like to be in the building. Shivers down my spine every time Al Michaels lets it out: "5 seconds left in the game... do you believe in miracles? YES!" There will never be another moment like that.
AMERICA.
THIS WEEK'S BILLION DOLLAR IDEA, TRADEMARKED COPYRIGHTED GET YOUR OWN IDEA
I think gift cards are due for a serious upgrade. It always sucks not knowing how much you have left on a card, and dialing a 1-800 number and entering in your 20 digit card number seems like a tedious and archaic way of doing things. Therefore, I propose that gift cards get some kind of chip in them that can be read via a smart phone app, letting you not only instantaneously check the balance of a gift card, but also keep track of all of them in one organized, specific place. I don't know if this is even possible without an addition to your phone that lets it physically 'read' things like chips and magnetic strips, but I'm not planning on handling the engineering aspect of this venture. I just want the part where I get the billions of dollars and donate enough to UW that they name the turf at Camp Randall after me. Basically, I wanna be a younger, worse golfer version of Andy North.
Gonna revolutionize the gift card game. Just wait.
PREDICTION CITY
I get that Iowa beat us at home already this year. But we shot like 2 for 1,000 from three that game. Coming off a hot shooting performance against Penn State, I'm banking on that momentum carrying over in Iowa City. Bo's got the guys playing well on the road this year (other than the East Lansing letdown), and I don't think they look ahead or slip up here. Pull off the win tonight. The Pick:
WISCONSIN 64, IOWA 57
This should be interesting. After the previous UW/OSU matchup, Jared Sullinger's dad (SATCH) came out and complained that 'certain programs' were physically targeting his son, dropping 'bows on him and abusing him. Simply an outrageous claim, and one that assuredly put an even bigger bullseye on Sully's back. Can we pull off the upset in Columbus? Probably not. But if Sullinger gets frustrated and Evans controls Buford, then it's definitely not out of the realm of possibilities. I wouldn't bet on it, but I have a sneaky optimistic feeling about this game. I think it's closer than most people would expect The Pick:
WISCONSIN 60, OSU 62
ON WISCONSIN
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