That had to be the least fun, most stressful double overtime game I've ever seen. We're cruisin' along, building a nice lead, and then BAM, their coach gets T'd up for lord knows what reason. LIES, I know exactly what
he was thinking. In his mind, we were getting the calls, his team was
on the ropes, so if he gets T'd up, maybe the refs start giving him a
few breaks and the whole thing will light a fire under his team's
collective ass. IT WORKED. After that T, I think we shot 3 for our next
67 shots. Next thing you know, we're down 9 with 6 minutes to go, on the
verge of losing to fucking Iowa at home for the second consecutive
year.
Fortunately, we made some big plays. Brust hits a 3,
Berggren miraculously converts a three point play (the miracle being
the made free throw), and it's a ballgame again. Until it happened.
When I say it, I'm talking about a 5th year
senior who shall remain Ryan Evans nameless who grabbed a rebound and
immediately tossed it directly to the mighty ginger on the other team
for a layup, AND gave him a ticky-tack foul for the icing on the shit
cake. Thankfully, Jackson bailed him out by rattling a game-tying 3
home, sending us to free crappy basketball.
Not sure if you were paying attention, but Bo
REFUSED to sub during the overtimes. He trotted out the same 5 guys (who
all played more than 40 minutes) and stuck with them, watching them
clank shot after shot, until Bruiser fouled out and FORCED Bo to bring
in Dekker. Of course, Dekks promptly nailed the trey that gave us the
lead for good. HMMMMMMMMMM.
I'm not sure I've gushed about him enough here
before, so let me tell you: Sam Dekker is the TRUTH. He's going to play
35+ mpg the next three years (and should be this year), and by the time
he's done, he is going to be an All-American. I've put money down on
this. The future of UW hoops is bright for a few reasons, 95% of which
are related to the talented frosh from Sheboygan. HOOPS HOTBED.
He's my current man-crush. With Borland entering his
final year, I needed someone new to kinda-sorta obsess over. Enter
Dekks. Enter the future. BELIEVE.
(It will be SO fitting if a kid from Sheboygan takes us to the promised land. The most Sconnie cities/towns/villages in Wisconsin, according to Sconnieness of their names:
- Mukwonago
- Oconomowoc
- Sheboygan
- Fond Du Lac
- Manitowoc
- Muskego
- Wauwatosa
I made my top 5, then I was like, 'oh shit, no way I can exclude Muskego!
And WAUWATOSA?' Had to throw those guys in there. Wisconsin is fucking
awesome. I'm not even sure if these names are Indian, German, or towns
made up in Wayne's World, I just know that even kids from Third World countries could hear 'Mukwonago' and know that it's in Wisconsin.)
WHO/WHERE/WHEN
TV: ESPN
TV: ESPN
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1. Michigan, 21-2 (8-2). Previous: 1
Amateur Sketch of Michigan's uniforms from the UM/OSU game:
IMPOSSIBLE to read the names. And Trey Burke is very calvesy in my mind, I guess.
2. Iowa, 14-9 (3-7). Previous: 10
They
terrify me. They truly do. I'd rather poke around with IU knowing that
Crean has to coach them than play Iowa again. Not counting down the days
until we play them in the Big Ten Tournament. I don't want that day to
ever arrive.
3. Indiana, 21-2 (9-1). Previous: 2
If
I were rich, I would order one Bo Ryan FatHead every day and ship it to
Crean's house. But it would come in different packaging each time, and
the return address would always be a Harbaugh and/or Dwyane Wade. He'd
HAVE to open it each time. This is why I need to be a millionaire. I
care about nothing else.
4. Michigan State, 19-4 (8-2). Previous: 4
You
know what's weird? I can't find a SINGLE list on the internet of the
best basketball players of all-time to wear t-shirts under their
jerseys. With all the bullshit blogs out there that churn out stupid
list after stupid list, shouldn't that exist by now? I don't know the
game nearly well enough to do this list myself, so maybe my hoops
junkies can help out. Why didn't Larry Bird wear a shirt under his
jersey? Does the mustache counterbalance the shirt? I demand answers.
5. Wisconsin, 16-7 (7-3). Previous: 5
6. Ohio State, 17-5, (7-3). Previous: 3
Why
Wisconsin over OSU? Simple: Wisconsin has 1/5 of the talent of OSU, but
they're such a scrappy, annoying bunch to play that you'd probably
rather deal with Craft/Thomas/Role Players. That's my theory. Also do
you ever wonder what it would be like if rosacea turned your cheeks
green instead of red? Could be kinda cool.
7. Minnesota, 17-6 (5-5). Previous: 6
We have a game on Valentine's Day EVERY year. This is how I'm feeling for V-Day 2k13:
8. Northwestern, 13-10 (4-6). Previous: 8
Wisconsin 37, Northwestern 32. February 20th. Get excited.
9. Purdue, 12-11 (5-5). Previous: 7
One
of my favorite things is calling TV shows 'programs'. For some reason I
think it's HILARIOUS to tell someone that you gotta watch your
programs. Everyone had at least one grandparent that called them
'programs'. That, coincidentally, doubles as the grandparent that you
are going to have to explain how to use email about 10,000 times. If you
wanna really freak yourself out, keep in mind that someday you'll be
the old person who doesn't know how to work technology.
10. Nebraska, 11-12 (2-8). Previous: 9
I
brought an umbrella today because I saw there might be rain. And there
WAS rain! It sucked! But then by the time I went outside again, it was
snowing this big ass pancake-sized snowflakes. So I used my umbrella in
the snow. Never have I felt like such a tool in my life. My only defense
was that I didn't want this kind of hair when I got back to the office:
11. Illinois, 15-9 (2-8). Previous: 11
I'm filling them in with a loss against IU before the game even starts. Honestly, I'm angling for a sneaky little reverse jinx.
I'm not checking the final score of that game until I finish this
Preview. If Indiana loses to Illinois, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME. YOU'RE
WELCOME. SUCK IT, IU. HOPEFULLY.
NOT RANKED: Penn State, 8-14 (0-10). Previous: 12
Going
forward, I will not be including Penn State in the Fear Rankings. They
have to beat someone to get back in. Like when tribes send a child out
into the wild to make their first kill, you're not a man until you bring
home a dead wolf for the village to feast over. Penn State is not worth
fearing until they ruin someone's day and win a game.
RANDOM MUSIC THAT I'M DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
Walk the Moon - Anna Sun
Rather
enjoyed both this song and their entire album. I turned down a chance
to see them in Chicago this weekend, but I think I'm OK with that
decision. I'm kinda realizing that when it comes to concerts, 40% of the
time I get really drunk, have a blast, but don't remember it that well;
40% of the time I don't get that messed up, enjoy the show, but don't
really let loose; and 20% of the time I hit that sweet spot where it's
just the best time ever. That is my theory on concerts.
PS - Just discovered that they're from Cincinnati,
which means they prefer race riots to meth abuse. Would you rather be a
meth junkie or a raging racist?
METH JUNKIE
PROS
- Most of the time, you're probably so messed up that you kinda forget how terrible your life is.
- You get to root for OSU. Wait.
- At least you're not doing heroin?
- Breaking Bad resonates with your life.
CONS
- At any given moment of the day, you might have thousands of spiders crawling on your skin. They may not be real, but they're real.
- Meth strikes me as the kind of thing that requires spending lots of time by viaducts.
- You will, at one point in your life, give a ZJ for some meth.
RAGING RACIST
PROS
- You don't do meth.
- You don't live in Columbus.
- There are not many pros involved in being a raging racist.
- No imaginary spiders crawl on your skin when your meth high is running low.
CONS
- The world seems to frown upon racism.
- DID YOU KNOW Cincinnati had race riots as recently as 2001? How is that possible? Cincinnati. Not Wilbur, Alabama.
VERDICT: Gimme da meth.
Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond
Pink
Floyd (or their label) refuse to allow their music on Spotify, but
there's a really damn good cover on there that recently reminded me of
how good this song is. It also reminded me that my parents probably
smoked SO many drugs and rocked out to music like this when it was still
'new'. I'm jealous.
Oleander - I Walk Alone
I
have been listening to this song for a very long time but know
absolutely nothing about the band. Keepin' it that way. LIES I just
wasted 10 minutes reading their Wikipedia page. This is kinda the
downside of Wikipedia - I didn't really WANT this information. I don't
care that they cycled through multiple drummers, went into hiatus, and
roared back on to the scene by making a song used in a WWE video game
(genius). I was perfectly content with zero knowledge.
Paramore - Now
OOOOOooooo
new Paramore tracks! Let's just say, HYPOTHETICALLY, a certain 27 year
old male was thinking of attending a Paramore concert. Would that be
weird? I assume the standard demographic breakdown of their shows is 90%
teenage girls, 9.9% randoms who like their music, and that hypothetical
27 year old male who wants to ride off into the sunset with Hayley. I'm
leaning towards weird to quite-weird. But SURE, all you older women and
get off on Bieber without anyone thinking twice. Double standards are
such bullshit. #<3Hayley [Not a valid hashtag, but possibly my new
favorite hashtag] [It's also possible I don't understand how double
standards work considering Hayley is not 17] [BRACKETSonBRACKETS]
THIS WEEK'S GAMES IN HAIKU
I hate Michigan
More than I hate al-Qaeda
Must hold serve at home
Then off to the barn
Fix your stupid fucking court
You're Fake-Canada
YOUTUBE
Check out this baby doing trick shots.
While I love that this is the first trick shot video in the history of
YouTube to not have obnoxious, blaring rap music, I must point out that
this kid has some of the most awful shooting form I've ever seen. If he
thinks this is gonna translate at the next level (PRE-SCHOOL), he's in
for a rude awakening. Adorable fucking kid. Naive, but adorable.
MORE BABY VIDEOS. This little girl loses her shit when her jam comes on.
I don't blame her. You've never seen me at a bar when a Weezer song
comes on. SPOILER: I'm usually the one that played the Weezer song.
I feel a little stupid, but not TOTALLY stupid, for finding this funny. I like to think there are a TON of Asians standing around with wads of cash betting on it. Like this:
This is the world's greatest pickpocket. I'm so torn on these things, just like watching a magic trick: did he actually put
that hundo in the pen, or was it all a set-up? Everything else seems
legit. Shifty motherfucker. Of course he lives in Vegas.
FOOD PORN
SMOKED
MEAT HASH and matzoh ball soup. I enjoy that the specific type of meat
is not important, just know that it's a big plate full of deliciousness
and ask questions later (I asked questions, it's brisket). For me, those
potatoes are the big selling point. Breakfast potatoes might sneakily
be the best potatoes around. Don't matter if it's the shredded hash
brown variety, or the more cubular (NEW WORD) style you see here. That
shit is always delicious and I wish I could have them for dinner. I want
them right now.
(via)
SKY PORN
Something about a hot sunset over snowy terrain really
works for me. That's probably a stupid thing to say given that ALL
sunsets over ANY terrain work for me. But I think it enhances the
badassery of the sunset to be starkly contrasted with a white ground. Or
something like that.
(via) (I think this is a random 12 year old on Instagram)
LOOK AT THIS FUCKING HIPSTER (#LATFH)
First ballot Hall of Famer! CRAFT BEER! LEGS CROSSED! SUEDE JACKET! TURTLE NECK! PORTABLE VINYL RECORD PLAYER!!! I'm tearing up a little I'm so damn excited! But why does he not have Hipster Hair???
(via)
PREDICTION CITY
I think this game is the definition of a coin flip.
Michigan is obviously more talented, but they rely on a lot of freshmen,
and the Kohl Center should be ROCKING for the Evil Empire. Sucks so
much this game is at 11 am. Wish I could be there. Wish it were later so
if I WERE there I could be more comfortably drunk. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 65, MICHIGAN 64
The Barn. Ugh. An ugly pile of a stadium with a gimmick floor. Over/Under 3.5 minutes into the broadcast before they mention that Bo had the team practice diving off the floor? Hammer that under. Take a shot if they show a clip of Bruiser doing it. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 62, MINNESOTA 67
[Oh shit, gotta check the IU/Illinois game]
WISCONSIN 65, MICHIGAN 64
The Barn. Ugh. An ugly pile of a stadium with a gimmick floor. Over/Under 3.5 minutes into the broadcast before they mention that Bo had the team practice diving off the floor? Hammer that under. Take a shot if they show a clip of Bruiser doing it. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 62, MINNESOTA 67
[Oh shit, gotta check the IU/Illinois game]
ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I DID IT! #BillionDollarIdea: Open a roadside Hoosier Tears stand. Sell them by the bottle. I'd pay THOUSANDS for a bottle of pure Hoosier Tears. MILLIONS for a bucket.
ON WISCONSIN
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