Thursday, February 7, 2013

#3 Michigan & @ #18 Minnesota

That had to be the least fun, most stressful double overtime game I've ever seen. We're cruisin' along, building a nice lead, and then BAM, their coach gets T'd up for lord knows what reason. LIES, I know exactly what he was thinking. In his mind, we were getting the calls, his team was on the ropes, so if he gets T'd up, maybe the refs start giving him a few breaks and the whole thing will light a fire under his team's collective ass. IT WORKED. After that T, I think we shot 3 for our next 67 shots. Next thing you know, we're down 9 with 6 minutes to go, on the verge of losing to fucking Iowa at home for the second consecutive year.

Fortunately, we made some big plays. Brust hits a 3, Berggren miraculously converts a three point play (the miracle being the made free throw), and it's a ballgame again. Until it happened.

When I say it, I'm talking about a 5th year senior who shall remain Ryan Evans nameless who grabbed a rebound and immediately tossed it directly to the mighty ginger on the other team for a layup, AND gave him a ticky-tack foul for the icing on the shit cake. Thankfully, Jackson bailed him out by rattling a game-tying 3 home, sending us to free crappy basketball.

Not sure if you were paying attention, but Bo REFUSED to sub during the overtimes. He trotted out the same 5 guys (who all played more than 40 minutes) and stuck with them, watching them clank shot after shot, until Bruiser fouled out and FORCED Bo to bring in Dekker. Of course, Dekks promptly nailed the trey that gave us the lead for good. HMMMMMMMMMM.

I'm not sure I've gushed about him enough here before, so let me tell you: Sam Dekker is the TRUTH. He's going to play 35+ mpg the next three years (and should be this year), and by the time he's done, he is going to be an All-American. I've put money down on this. The future of UW hoops is bright for a few reasons, 95% of which are related to the talented frosh from Sheboygan. HOOPS HOTBED.

He's my current man-crush. With Borland entering his final year, I needed someone new to kinda-sorta obsess over. Enter Dekks. Enter the future. BELIEVE.

(It will be SO fitting if a kid from Sheboygan takes us to the promised land. The most Sconnie cities/towns/villages in Wisconsin, according to Sconnieness of their names:

  1. Mukwonago
  2. Oconomowoc
  3. Sheboygan
  4. Fond Du Lac
  5. Manitowoc
  6. Muskego
  7. Wauwatosa
I made my top 5, then I was like, 'oh shit, no way I can exclude Muskego! And WAUWATOSA?' Had to throw those guys in there. Wisconsin is fucking awesome. I'm not even sure if these names are Indian, German, or towns made up in Wayne's World, I just know that even kids from Third World countries could hear 'Mukwonago' and know that it's in Wisconsin.)





1. Michigan, 21-2 (8-2). Previous: 1
Amateur Sketch of Michigan's uniforms from the UM/OSU game:

IMPOSSIBLE to read the names. And Trey Burke is very calvesy in my mind, I guess.

2. Iowa, 14-9 (3-7). Previous: 10
They terrify me. They truly do. I'd rather poke around with IU knowing that Crean has to coach them than play Iowa again. Not counting down the days until we play them in the Big Ten Tournament. I don't want that day to ever arrive.

3. Indiana, 21-2 (9-1). Previous: 2
If I were rich, I would order one Bo Ryan FatHead every day and ship it to Crean's house. But it would come in different packaging each time, and the return address would always be a Harbaugh and/or Dwyane Wade. He'd HAVE to open it each time. This is why I need to be a millionaire. I care about nothing else.

4. Michigan State, 19-4 (8-2). Previous: 4
You know what's weird? I can't find a SINGLE list on the internet of the best basketball players of all-time to wear t-shirts under their jerseys. With all the bullshit blogs out there that churn out stupid list after stupid list, shouldn't that exist by now? I don't know the game nearly well enough to do this list myself, so maybe my hoops junkies can help out. Why didn't Larry Bird wear a shirt under his jersey? Does the mustache counterbalance the shirt? I demand answers.

5. Wisconsin, 16-7 (7-3). Previous: 5
6. Ohio State, 17-5, (7-3). Previous: 3
Why Wisconsin over OSU? Simple: Wisconsin has 1/5 of the talent of OSU, but they're such a scrappy, annoying bunch to play that you'd probably rather deal with Craft/Thomas/Role Players. That's my theory. Also do you ever wonder what it would be like if rosacea turned your cheeks green instead of red? Could be kinda cool.

7. Minnesota, 17-6 (5-5). Previous: 6
We have a game on Valentine's Day EVERY year. This is how I'm feeling for V-Day 2k13:

8. Northwestern, 13-10 (4-6). Previous: 8
Wisconsin 37, Northwestern 32. February 20th. Get excited.

9. Purdue, 12-11 (5-5). Previous: 7
One of my favorite things is calling TV shows 'programs'. For some reason I think it's HILARIOUS to tell someone that you gotta watch your programs. Everyone had at least one grandparent that called them 'programs'. That, coincidentally, doubles as the grandparent that you are going to have to explain how to use email about 10,000 times. If you wanna really freak yourself out, keep in mind that someday you'll be the old person who doesn't know how to work technology.

10. Nebraska, 11-12 (2-8). Previous: 9
I brought an umbrella today because I saw there might be rain. And there WAS rain! It sucked! But then by the time I went outside again, it was snowing this big ass pancake-sized snowflakes. So I used my umbrella in the snow. Never have I felt like such a tool in my life. My only defense was that I didn't want this kind of hair when I got back to the office:

11. Illinois, 15-9 (2-8). Previous: 11
I'm filling them in with a loss against IU before the game even starts. Honestly, I'm angling for a sneaky little reverse jinx. I'm not checking the final score of that game until I finish this Preview. If Indiana loses to Illinois, IT IS ALL BECAUSE OF ME. YOU'RE WELCOME. SUCK IT, IU. HOPEFULLY.

NOT RANKED: Penn State, 8-14 (0-10). Previous: 12
Going forward, I will not be including Penn State in the Fear Rankings. They have to beat someone to get back in. Like when tribes send a child out into the wild to make their first kill, you're not a man until you bring home a dead wolf for the village to feast over. Penn State is not worth fearing until they ruin someone's day and win a game.


Walk the Moon - Anna Sun

Rather enjoyed both this song and their entire album. I turned down a chance to see them in Chicago this weekend, but I think I'm OK with that decision. I'm kinda realizing that when it comes to concerts, 40% of the time I get really drunk, have a blast, but don't remember it that well; 40% of the time I don't get that messed up, enjoy the show, but don't really let loose; and 20% of the time I hit that sweet spot where it's just the best time ever. That is my theory on concerts.

PS - Just discovered that they're from Cincinnati, which means they prefer race riots to meth abuse. Would you rather be a meth junkie or a raging racist?


  • Most of the time, you're probably so messed up that you kinda forget how terrible your life is.
  • You get to root for OSU. Wait.
  • At least you're not doing heroin?
  • Breaking Bad resonates with your life.
  • At any given moment of the day, you might have thousands of spiders crawling on your skin. They may not be real, but they're real.
  • Meth strikes me as the kind of thing that requires spending lots of time by viaducts.
  • You will, at one point in your life, give a ZJ for some meth.

  • You don't do meth.
  • You don't live in Columbus.
  • There are not many pros involved in being a raging racist.
  • No imaginary spiders crawl on your skin when your meth high is running low.

VERDICT: Gimme da meth. 

Pink Floyd - Shine On You Crazy Diamond

Pink Floyd (or their label) refuse to allow their music on Spotify, but there's a really damn good cover on there that recently reminded me of how good this song is. It also reminded me that my parents probably smoked SO many drugs and rocked out to music like this when it was still 'new'. I'm jealous.

Oleander - I Walk Alone

I have been listening to this song for a very long time but know absolutely nothing about the band. Keepin' it that way. LIES I just wasted 10 minutes reading their Wikipedia page. This is kinda the downside of Wikipedia - I didn't really WANT this information. I don't care that they cycled through multiple drummers, went into hiatus, and roared back on to the scene by making a song used in a WWE video game (genius). I was perfectly content with zero knowledge.

Paramore - Now

OOOOOooooo new Paramore tracks! Let's just say, HYPOTHETICALLY, a certain 27 year old male was thinking of attending a Paramore concert. Would that be weird? I assume the standard demographic breakdown of their shows is 90% teenage girls, 9.9% randoms who like their music, and that hypothetical 27 year old male who wants to ride off into the sunset with Hayley. I'm leaning towards weird to quite-weird. But SURE, all you older women and get off on Bieber without anyone thinking twice. Double standards are such bullshit. #<3Hayley [Not a valid hashtag, but possibly my new favorite hashtag] [It's also possible I don't understand how double standards work considering Hayley is not 17] [BRACKETSonBRACKETS]


I hate Michigan

More than I hate al-Qaeda

Must hold serve at home

Then off to the barn

Fix your stupid fucking court

You're Fake-Canada


Check out this baby doing trick shots. While I love that this is the first trick shot video in the history of YouTube to not have obnoxious, blaring rap music, I must point out that this kid has some of the most awful shooting form I've ever seen. If he thinks this is gonna translate at the next level (PRE-SCHOOL), he's in for a rude awakening. Adorable fucking kid. Naive, but adorable.

MORE BABY VIDEOS. This little girl loses her shit when her jam comes on. I don't blame her. You've never seen me at a bar when a Weezer song comes on. SPOILER: I'm usually the one that played the Weezer song.

I feel a little stupid, but not TOTALLY stupid, for finding this funny. I like to think there are a TON of Asians standing around with wads of cash betting on it. Like this:

This is the world's greatest pickpocket. I'm so torn on these things, just like watching a magic trick: did he actually put that hundo in the pen, or was it all a set-up? Everything else seems legit. Shifty motherfucker. Of course he lives in Vegas.


SMOKED MEAT HASH and matzoh ball soup. I enjoy that the specific type of meat is not important, just know that it's a big plate full of deliciousness and ask questions later (I asked questions, it's brisket). For me, those potatoes are the big selling point. Breakfast potatoes might sneakily be the best potatoes around. Don't matter if it's the shredded hash brown variety, or the more cubular (NEW WORD) style you see here. That shit is always delicious and I wish I could have them for dinner. I want them right now.



Something about a hot sunset over snowy terrain really works for me. That's probably a stupid thing to say given that ALL sunsets over ANY terrain work for me. But I think it enhances the badassery of the sunset to be starkly contrasted with a white ground. Or something like that.

(via) (I think this is a random 12 year old on Instagram)


First ballot Hall of Famer! CRAFT BEER! LEGS CROSSED! SUEDE JACKET! TURTLE NECK! PORTABLE VINYL RECORD PLAYER!!! I'm tearing up a little I'm so damn excited! But why does he not have Hipster Hair???


I think this game is the definition of a coin flip. Michigan is obviously more talented, but they rely on a lot of freshmen, and the Kohl Center should be ROCKING for the Evil Empire. Sucks so much this game is at 11 am. Wish I could be there. Wish it were later so if I WERE there I could be more comfortably drunk. THE PICK:


The Barn. Ugh. An ugly pile of a stadium with a gimmick floor. Over/Under 3.5 minutes into the broadcast before they mention that Bo had the team practice diving off the floor? Hammer that under. Take a shot if they show a clip of Bruiser doing it. THE PICK:


[Oh shit, gotta check the IU/Illinois game]

ARE YOU SHITTING ME? I DID IT! #BillionDollarIdea: Open a roadside Hoosier Tears stand. Sell them by the bottle. I'd pay THOUSANDS for a bottle of pure Hoosier Tears. MILLIONS for a bucket.


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