On Valentine's Day, we choked away what should have been a nice road win against Minnesota after failing to score in the last 5 minutes. Since then, all UW has done is outscore OSU, Northwestern, and Nebraska by a ridiculous 217-136 margin. Is this bad? The defense has been elite for the majority of the season, but lately it's been the offense that's been turning heads. I know it's a stupid cliche that's true about pretty much every team in the country, but when we're making shots, we're damn near unbeatable.
And then there's that Dekker kid. Double digits the last 5 games, hitting 45% of this threes, and one of the leading candidates for B10 6th Man of the Year. I actually told multiple people Tuesday morning that I've already declared Sam Dekker my favorite Badger of all-time. I like him more than Alando, more than DH, more than Leuer or Taylor. And he's played precisely 28 games in a Wisconsin uniform. I thought maybe I was being a little crazy, but hours after I made that declaration he dropped 19 on Nebraska on only 6 shots. A SIGN FROM THE HEAVENS, perhaps. It totally confirmed what I believed: he's going to be really, really special. And he's going to do some big things at UW in the next 3+ years (if he leaves early I will most likely quit my job and give up on life). You can still hop on the Dekker Hypewagon - it's not too late. I am the conductor, president, and CEO. But there is PLENTY of room left before he becomes a national name. I have already changed my Twitter handle to @
SamDekkerFanNumeroUnoCHOOCHOOO OO (the Dekker Hypewagon is a train of sorts). You know what? Let's just get this out of the way now.
GREATEST WHITE BASKETBALL PLAYERS OF ALL-TIME
1. Sam Dekker
2. Larry Bird
4. Rocky (Although looking back, his abilities seem a tad unrealistic)
5. Chip Douglas
End of story. No debate.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1. Wisconsin, 20-8 (11-4). Previous: 3
Bruiser looks like Kramer. Evans is shooting jump-shot free throws. Dekker is killing it. I like ALL of these things.
2. Penn State, 9-18 (1-14). Previous: NOPE
Absolutely thrilled that Penn State beat Michigan. Arguably the biggest win/win situation I've seen in decades. On one hand, any time Michigan loses there's reason to celebrate. They are and always will be the Evil Empire. But on the other, much LARGER hand, Penn State won their first B1G game. And that means that come March 10th, we will not be facing a Penn State squad DESPERATE for their first conference victory. That's huge. I don't care if they've been terrible, they've played a lot of teams close and they were for sure due to win a game. Thank Bo it came at the hands of those elitist shitheads from Ann Arbor.
PS - If one of your hands were much larger than the other, I'm not sure if that would be really awful or totally awesome. I'm not talking like you have one gimp hand (MY GERMS!) and one normal hand. I'm saying you've got one normal hand and and one hand twice the size of normal. I figure there would have to be some way to take advantage of that other than just playing with yourself a lot. Something to think about.
3. Indiana, 24-4 (12-3). Previous: 1
Really cool to see Tom Crean's big head out there celebrating Minnesota's enormous upset of Indiana. I'm sure IU will hold on and win the conference outright, and as a result, Crean will win B1G Coach of the Year. Whatever. That's absolute bullshit. I wanna play Indiana 36 times a year just so we can go undefeated and have unlimited inventory for my roadside Hoosier Tears stand.
4. Michigan State, 22-6 (11-4). Previous: 2
Last week I talked about people in East Lansing burning couches after they lost to IU. One reader (we'll call him Demond) responded back with a Madison-related couch burning story that I feel obligated to share with you. All names have been changed and replaced with actual names from people I work with:
I'll enlighten you on a proper couch fire. You may know my cousin, Ah-Shawn. We're from an area of the country where we know how to engulf a couch properly in flames. I basically went through college watching youtube videos and being completely jealous of West Virginia people every time they won a game. The summer between junior and senior years, we got wasted enough to do it. It was move out weekend, and i was moving apartments in 104 Langdon so I wasn't homeless. My apartment became homeless college kid central and we blacked out at the KK like a normal week night during the summer.
A bunch of guys from the house lived next door at 112 an were getting rid of their couch. We pulled the couch from streetside down to the parking lot between 104 and 112, basically between Langdon and Theta. Flicked a bic, and BOOM, the couch was on fire. Flames shot like 15 feet high. After 10 seconds, the low income high rise residents behind 104 got rubber necking too hard so we took off and kept up the drinking down at Mendota Court. 5 or 6 Madison PD squad cars and two fire trucks showed up and arrested some lame ass dudes who were watching and eventually let them go after realizing they had nothing to do with it. Needless to say, if you want to troll the cops hard, torch a couch, but be prepared to bail and have a great escape route like the Ho Chi Minh Trail to GTFO.
Hope I've explained to you how to torch a couch something proper.
Probably wouldn't do it in Chicago.
I wanted a little more detail on the actual process of lighting the couch on fire:
Literally we just lit the corner of one cushion on fire and the whole thing went up. It maybe took 45 seconds tops to have a raging couch fire going. i remember being really amazed at how tall the flames were before we were like, "uh dudes we should probably bail people are watching"
the best part was we later found out witnesses described us as wearing pastel shirts and different colored shorts, basically fitting the description of every male on Langdon ever.
I am so jealous I did not participate in this. But words don't do a couch fire justice. You need PROOF:
That's fine torching.
PS - I'd love to shake the hand of the person that came up with the Ho Chi Minh Trail in Madison. It's so perfect.
5. Illinois, 20-9 (7-8). Previous: 4
All puzzles should come in boxes the same size as the puzzle itself, that way if you lose a piece, you can just cut one out from the cover of the box and not want to kill yourself because you lost one out of a thousand little pieces. #BillionDollarIdea, coming hot and hard right in your face.
6. Minnesota, 19-9 (7-8). Previous: 10
It's always awkward when you're rooting really hard for a school you hate to win a game, and then they win, and you're all 'Wait, fuck these guys.' That's how I felt about the Minnesota/IU game Tuesday. Like, thanks a lot for your help Minnesota. We've really got a title hunt on our hands now. But don't forget you're still a third-rate safety school from Canada South. PEOPLE DON'T FORGET
7. Ohio State, 21-7 (11-5). Previous: 7
My friend tweeted a story about a Whole Foods somewhere that had this picture hanging in the store:
I was bored:
8. Iowa, 18-10 (7-8). Previous: 6
9. Purdue, 13-15 (6-9). Previous: 9
Skinny cords and whatever those shoes are called. I call that the Subtle Chic Hipster Red Line look. I use 'chic' very casually, not really entirely sure what it means. Roll with it.
#LATFGWWOHS (Look at this fucking guy with wings on his shoes)
10. Nebraska, 13-15 (4-11). Previous: 8
At some point during the UW/Nebraska game, I realized something felt familiar:
11. Northwestern, 13-16 (4-12). Previous: 11
My roommate anticipated being bored at work today and told me he'd have a Paint masterpiece for me. He did not disappoint:
PS - Thanks a lot for making my Paint skillz look like shit. Like George was in the pool, I just wanna shout about being on a laptop with a track pad instead of using a normal mouse. I WAS USING A TRACK PAD! I WAS USING A TRACK PAD!
12. Michigan, 23-5 (10-5). Previous: 5
2. This Part II: The Sequel:
3. This Part III: Loser Trilogy:
RANDOM MUSIC THAT I'M DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
The Lumineers - Ho Hey
I'm all about discovering music months after it gets popular and acting like I'm a hardcore fan that's been with them since the beginning. The Lums and I? WE GO WAY BACK.
No Doubt - It's My Life
Totally got caught watching a No Doubt concert on Palladia the other night before bed. Truthfully, I was just waiting it out for 'Just A Girl', but they played this song, I was satisfied, 'researched' Gwen Stefani on the internet, and went to bed. Nice little Monday night.
PS - Palladia is a sneaky-valuable channel. Most people probably wouldn't include them in their top 10 (remind me to do a top 10 most valuable cable channels when I run out of ideas in the next few weeks), but they strongly merit discussion. On the complete opposite end of the spectrum are all the music channels that are in like the 900 numbers. Only two types of people watch (listen to?) those channels: poor people and there is no other group. I lied.
Justin Timberlake - Cry Me A River
I'm pretty sure everyone respects JT's game, regardless of age, race, gender, religion, sexual orientation, or any other thing people blindly hate on because they're idiots. That's quite the accomplishment.
OuKast - B.O.B.
Do they not like each other? For a group with so many hits, I know shockingly little about them. They've each gone off on their own and done side projects, right? Why? I'm far too hungry to go read their Wikipedia page.
THIS WEEK'S GAMES IN HAIKU
I miss Gene Keady
Mental prepping now
Can't stand that midget Izzo
Hey, we should win out
No jokes, no laughs in this section. Just two incredible stories that everyone should know about. Up first is a student manager from Texas getting a shot at his dream.
I saw this video years ago and I STILL get goosebumps watching it. I won't even try describing it any further.
Sausage and onion pizza from Pequod's. I think I've repped them before, but it's worth another plug. Without question the best crust of any pizza I've ever eaten not named Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust. If someone is visiting Chicago and asks where to go for pizza, I'll always tell them they can go to Lou's for the standard Chicago deep dish, or they can go to Pequod's for a different but delicious take on it. You can't go wrong either way.
Random #skyporn I found on Instagram. I have no idea where this is, but I DO know that I wish I were there to take pictures myself.
Nah. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 70, PURDUE 50
It's another coin flip situation in East Lansing. We're playing well and SHOULD have beaten these guys last time around. Ride her til she buckys ya*, or don't ride her at all. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 63, MSU 62
*Buckys ain't no typo I ever heard of.
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