I'm not sure what else I can say about that game. We're not that good, they're much worse, we broke Purdue football forever. End of story. Moving on to the Illini.
CHICAGO BADGERS: Are you as pleasantly surprised as I am that a Wisconsin/Illinois game in late October is at 2:30? Amazing.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1) Ohio State, 7-0 (3-0). Undefeated #1 in the nation and with a quarterback controversy... that makes all the sense.
2) Michigan State, 7-0 (3-0). Better lucky than good, and that's a fact of life.
PS - If you ask the kid who scored the winning touchdown if he'd rather have that play with a dislocated hip, or have MSU lose but his hip is accurately located... he's taking the misplaced hip and the W, right? I think it's obvious, but losing your hip sounds less than ideal.
3) Iowa, 7-0 (3-0). Okay, maybe they're kinda good.
4) Penn State, 5-2 (2-1). Hard to fault them for that loss to OSU. We wouldn't score a point against that defense this year.
5) Wisconsin, 5-2 (2-1). Stave slinging back-to-back 300 yard games when we have literally ZERO rushing game and a weak group of receivers. But all everyone can ever see is the one or two mistake he makes. Haters.
6) Michigan, 5-2 (2-1). A Photo Essay:
8) Illinois, 4-2 (1-1). Every game in Champaign against Illinois: chilly, unnecessarily windy, just close enough to be annoying. I'm basing this on zero facts and hoping it all holds up.
9) Indiana, 4-3 (0-3). This is probably not how you want to finish off a game when you have a 25 point lead with 3 minutes left in the third quarter:
10) Minnesota, 4-3 (1-2). Winning the B1G, making the Playoff... these goals are pretty much dead. But keeping the Axe and the streak against Minnesota alive? Well let's just say it'll be nice to care about the game as much as they do this year. Hasn't been the case recently.
11) Nebraska, 3-4 (1-2). We can just all sit back and enjoy them handing Minnesota their ass on their own turf. That's embarrassing.
12) Maryland, 2-4 (0-2). Great bye week. Dominated the bye. Bye never stood a chance.
Rutgers) Rutgers, 3-3 (1-2). I didn't envision having to remove Rutgers from their comfortable spot in the basement, but damn if that comeback against IU wasn't amazing. We'll forget the shitshow of a program you've become... for now.
14) Purdue, 1-6 (0-3). LOL purdue
RANDOM MUSIC WE'RE DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
It was nice to ignore my Cubs misery Tuesday for a bit and catch the Darkness at House of Blues. They are beyond fun. Justin Hawkins is by far the best frontman in the game, and possibly the most talented since Freddie Mercury. The combination of his voice, wicked shreddery, and ultimate stage command is unmatched in the current musical landscape. Plus, he's always good for a nasty solo while meandering through the crowd on a security guard's shoulders:
MATCHUP TO WATCH
Corey Clement's Impending Return vs. Our Complete & Utter Inability To Run The Damn Ball. Kind of flying under the radar while we're talking about Stave and the lack of skill at the... skill positions: we have been TERRIBLE running the damn ball. I refuse to look up stats, but it hasn't been pretty. It's almost as if an inexperienced offensive line and former walk-on defensive back-turned-running back isn't yielding results. ODD.
So let's see what happens with Clement back. Will at least help isolate what the real issue is.
THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU
This game? Meaningless
But let's beat them anyway
Cuz winning is fun
I can't even.
PS - This gif has never been more appropriate:
I award this cop the Most Patient Cop Ever award, and I award this woman the Holy Shit I Hope You Don't Reproduce Ever award.
Sneaky science in the Porky Pig voice. Gotta respect a guy who's got skills and knows it. He goes into performance reviews DEMANDING giant raises because who else can talk like a mentally challenged pig as well as he can.
Americans will never be as funny as these guys. Accents are so cool.
Tenders, fries, and some spicy ranch from a Proposition Chicken food truck in San Francisco. Sometimes the most simple things in life are the best things.
PS - Rooftops in San Francisco are TERRIFYING. They don't have railings, or raised ledges, or ANYTHING that would stop you from wandering off and taking a fall and a half. I was with 13 drunk guys and I immediately shifted into mom mode yelling at people to be careful and stay away from the edges. NOBODY DYING ON MY WATCH
It's kinda concerning that a small piece of me is looking for a reason to let this team go gentle into that good night. Losing to Illinois would qualify. I think I'm just curiously excited about the hoops team. All those freshmen, Happ off the redshirt, and the lethal Nigel/Bronson combo? It's gonna be a fun ride regardless of where it ends. But I suppose it's still football season. For now. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 27, Illinois 16