- Our top WR (former walk-on) got concussed
- Our other starting WR is a quarterback-turned-safety-turned-wide receiver
- Both of our top TE's were banged up
- Our starting running back was 9,000 miles away getting German surgery
- His back-up is a former cornerback who dropped a pivotal screen pass
- Our offensive line is inexperienced and, quite frankly, not as talented as previous groups
- The skill position players that were healthy and out there were about as bad as any group I can even remember at UW
That last one would be true even IF Erickson, Traylor, Fumagalli, and Clement were healthy. Hands down, this year's team had the worst group of running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends I've ever seen. Blame recruiting failures by previous coaching regimes. Blame poor development of wide receivers going back to Bielema's era. Blame MGIII for leaving early actually wait no don't do that.
Blame whatever you want. But if you're going to sit here with a straight face and tell me we lost that game purely because Stave sucked then I'm going to sit here with a straight face and tell you you're an idiot.
He was awful. We all get that. But his supporting cast is not only awful from a talent standpoint, but they were miserable from an execution standpoint as well on Saturday.
Everything about that offensive performance was painful. Let's move on and hope things can't get worse. At least the D is as nasty as we hoped. Yay optimism!
CHICAGO BADGERS: Gonna be in San Francisco for a bachelor party this weekend. It's going to be 70 and sunny every day and I'm treating it as a mini vacation from Wisconsin football. Perfect time for a mini vacation.
BIG TEN FEAR RANKINGS
1) Michigan State, 5-0 (1-0). Barely beating PURDUE? How?
2) Ohio State, 5-0 (1-0). Any other year I'd be all over IU trying to pull off that upset. But it's easier to tell all the #IUforGameday fools they were wrong with an OSU win.
3) Northwestern, 5-0 (1-0). We'd lose by 50 in Evanston this year. Good thing we are not playing a single second in Evanston this year.
4) Iowa, 5-0 (1-0). They're not even good. We were just bad. I refuse to give them credit.
5) Illinois, 4-1 (1-0). Illinois picked an amazing year to be better than terrible. Lots of shitty teams in the conference that would normally paste them, but are for one reason or another down this year.
6) Michigan, 4-1 (1-0). Back-to-back shutouts and now a surprisingly intriguing matchup with Northwestern. Fascinating.
7) Indiana, 4-1 (0-1). A co-worker asked me if I was good at math. FUCK YEAH I DO MATH. He showed me the problem from his like 6-year-old's homework:
I've looked at this for at least 15 minutes and I'm still baffled. If you can explain this to me, please hit me back. I just got done tutoring the math ACT section today and this was legitimately more confusing than anything I saw on that test.
8) Penn State, 4-1 (1-0). Very sneaky playing Army when everyone else is beating up on each other. You're not fooling me, though.
9) Wisconsin, 3-2 (0-1). I will fondly remember last year's basketball team and pretend they still exist. Oh look, the Kentucky Final Four game is still on my DVR!
10) Minnesota, 3-2 (0-1). Oof.
11) Nebraska, 2-3 (0-1). Double oof.
12) Maryland, 2-3 (0-1). Got totally busted messing with Snapchat's new filters at work:
PS - Snapchat filters, RANKED:
5) Exploding purple eye hearts
4) New mouse with fat face with crumbs
3) Yellow stoned guy sticking his tongue out
2) Fat face with crumbs
1) Rainbow puke
13) Purdue, 1-4 (0-1). LOL purdue
Rutgers) Rutgers, 2-2 (0-1). #ExpelRutgers
RANDOM MUSIC WE'RE DIGGING HARD THIS WEEK
Spotify's Discover Weekly playlist is the best thing in the game right now and it's not even close. Finding songs I should've listened to years ago, songs that just came out that are in my wheelhouse... it's all there. Refreshing for me automatically. Every Monday.
If I have one complaint it's that I should be able get a new list every DAY. Or like 500 songs on every Monday. Feels like I burn through it right away and then I'm back listening to my boring old music.
MATCHUP TO WATCH
Joe Schobert's Condominium Complex In Your Backfield vs. Nebraska's Eviction Attempts. Want something positive to focus on right now? Joe Schobert has legitimately turned into one of the top defensive players in the country. Anytime you see a quarterback or running back going down behind the line of scrimmage, Joe the Show is there. It's one thing to be disruptive. But to consistently get the guy down and register that TFL? That's special.
Gonna put up some crazy numbers before this year is over.
THIS WEEK'S GAME IN HAIKU
And speaking of sucked
How bout that Iowa game?
Can't be worse this week
I've never been very religious, but it appears this man from Zimbabwe has communicated with Jesus himself. And odd how you can hear Jesus shuffling out of the room before the cameraman pans and sees the door ajar. Jesus, not so sneaky.
PS - Pretty dope house. Pays to be a Zimbabwean air-walking prophet.
Damn you, Metro Richmond Zoo. It's not enough that I want a lab puppy all to myself. Now I want a lab puppy AND a cheetah puppy to be it's lifelong companion. THIS IS UNFAIR.
This is how you cover a song. That guitar tone... so smooth. That voice... so smooth.
MAMMATUS CLOUDS! BOOB CLOUDS! Little boobs hanging from the sky. HEAVENLY.
As I'm writing this Remember the Titans is on and Sunshine just showed up for the first time and delivered a STRIKE to the back of Bertrier's head. It appears while fiction can be fun, fiction is still fiction. Also, Bertrier was kind of a raging homophobe despite being the first to cross the racial line. Gotta crawl before you can walk I suppose. Oh god that's TERRIBLE. THE PICK:
WISCONSIN 3, OTHER CORN PEOPLE 2